How frequently do you think about leaving your job? You don’t have to love your job, but it shouldn’t make you unhappy on a regular basis. If finding happiness at work seems impossible, you may be trapped in a toxic workplace culture or a job that is not a good fit for you.
While some of us may view monetary compensation as equivalent to job satisfaction, others may seek external validation for efforts and become dissatisfied when companies fail to provide it. Having a positive working environment is essential in keeping employees.
Additionally, maintaining a healthy work-life balance can be challenging. Recognizing the symptoms of stress and anxiety at work and developing strategies to deal with them is essential. Mental health can have a significant impact on an employee’s performance.
Helping people combat limiting beliefs and advance in their career, Kyle Elliott, MPA, CHES coaches C-suite executives, business leaders, start-ups, and many more. He has helped direct reports of Mark Zuckerberg (Meta), Reed Hastings (Netflix), and other prominent people reimagine and recreate their careers and lives. As a results-oriented coach, his clients have landed their dream jobs with big companies like Apple, LinkedIn, Paypal, Google, and Amazon.
In today’s episode, Kyle emphasizes the importance of having a happier working environment. He also shares tips on how to protect your mental health at work.
Join our hosts, career adviser Sergio Patterson and wealth manager Lee Michael Murphy, in The Free Retiree Show.
What you’ll learn in the episode:
[00:00:00] Lee Michael Murphy: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome into the free retiree show. I’m your host wealth manager, Lee Michael Murphy alongside my Venezuelan Powell, Sergio Patterson. What is up everyone? Welcome into career advancement edition of our show in this segment, we’re gonna give you some great advice on how to get your career to the next level and bring some joy and happiness to the workplace.
[00:00:24] Lee Michael Murphy: Serge. We all need this, right? I seen you like, after long days of where you seem like a grumpy old man, this is not true. I think it’s very true. But would you agree that bringing joy is imperative? To having a great experience at work.
[00:00:39] Sergio Patterson: Yes. I think we all need to bring joy. I think we, we take our jobs too seriously, especially in Silicon valley.
I’ve worked at a lot of big companies and, people will take things way too seriously. We’re not rocket, we’re not saving lives. Like we need that joy and, think it’s important.
[00:00:54] Lee Michael Murphy: Yeah. So we’re gonna be going over that. We’ll also be talking about mental health at work. Also a big topic. We’ve got a lot of emails from people, wanting to get some advice on that.
[00:01:04] Lee Michael Murphy: And for today we have a wonderful resource, Kyle Elliot, happy to announce that he’s recently completed his doctorate in education and what he does. He helps Silicon Valley’s top talent, get the jobs that they love, and he is a fantastic. Resource. He’s got some great content on LinkedIn. So if you guys want a fantastic person to follow, make sure you search for him.
but without further ado, Kyle, welcome to our
[00:01:31] Kyle Ellliott: show. How are you doing this morning? I am doing great. I’m so excited to be here and have this important conversation with all of you and your listeners. Yeah.
[00:01:38] Lee Michael Murphy: Well thank you for coming on and congratulations on the doctorate. That seems like it was a difficult.
[00:01:45] Kyle Ellliott: Yes, three years full time. On top of my business, I wanted a hobby right before the pandemic, and I decided to go back to school and it was perfect timing. So it filled a lot of those days when we were locked inside, couldn’t go out or do anything. I ended up getting a doctorate. That was my pandemic.
[00:02:04] Lee Michael Murphy: That’s amazing. Not
[00:02:06] Sergio Patterson: only do you have a doctor, but you have almost 300,000 followers on. How did that happen? Yeah. How are you so popular?
I had a good number a few years ago, and then I was named a LinkedIn top voice. The platform’s highest honor, and then a bunch just grew from there. I think they put me in the other LinkedIn top voices as people they recommend you follow and every day, just thousands and thousands came from that.
[00:02:31] Kyle Ellliott: And then it’s just grown from there. A lot of people tagging me and recommending, and it. Blew up from that honor that I received. That’s amazing.
[00:02:39] Lee Michael Murphy: So we’re gonna get into, how you find joy at work, go over the mental health, topics that a lot of people are struggling with. But before we get into that really important question, Disneyland.
[00:02:51] Lee Michael Murphy: I see that you are a big fan of Disneyland. Like you’re like kind of the mascot, like there’s Mickey and then there’s you but like,what is the,what is it about Disneyland that just gets you so hyped?
[00:03:02] Kyle Ellliott: My partner introduced me to Disneyland, so he’s an even bigger fan. So imagine me times.
[00:03:07] Kyle Ellliott: 10 that’s big of a fan. He is every weekend. I’m like, what do you wanna do? And he says, Disneyland. So now I say, what do you wanna do besides Disneyland? And that’s how we go around planning, but he introduced me to Disneyland and it’s truly the happiest place on earth. And as a career coach, I love going there and looking at.
[00:03:25] Kyle Ellliott: How these tens of thousands of employees bring together this magic and it’s seamless. So I’ve yet to have anything less than a perfect experience at Disneyland. We took my parents in November. For example, my dad lost his, magic band watch. So we called the front desk and before we were even to the front desk, they had a new one already set up for him.
[00:03:46] Kyle Ellliott: His last one canceled. They gave it to him for free and it’s just magical every time you go there and it’s just so much fun and so exciting Disneyland. That’s great. Do you plan on having. No, we don’t, but we’re thinking of having our wedding at Disneyland. My partners, like I wanna a 300 wedding at Disneyland.
[00:04:04] Sergio Patterson: Well, I was gonna say, it’s not always magic when I have my kids with me at Disney ,
[00:04:08] Kyle Ellliott: that’s what a lot of people say. They’re like, that’s why it’s magical. You don’t take kids or your nieces and nephews there. But we took his two year old niece there recently. And it was fun. I think she was at that age where she could just relax and watch stuff.
[00:04:21] Kyle Ellliott: And wasn’t worried about running around crazy and all of.
[00:04:25] Lee Michael Murphy: They do a really good job of having great customer service. They do that. And, Sege, I remember back in the day, used to be an employee of Bon Fonte gardens, but I don’t think you were bringing as much joy and happiness when you were in your role.
[00:04:35] Sergio Patterson: I was, I was actually, I was bringing joy every day. controlling the Ferris wheel and bonf gardens is a local theme park, Kyle, by the way, in Gilroy,
[00:04:43] Kyle Ellliott: California. It’s oh yeah, I’ve heard of it. I, to live in the bay area,
[00:04:48] Sergio Patterson: I worked there when I was like 16,
[00:04:50] Kyle Ellliott: it was amazing.
[00:04:51] Lee Michael Murphy: Well, Kyle, going back onto the original topic,finding joy in the workplace. that is something that a lot of people are struggling with right now. you have people that are just in bad environments and they just feel. They’re going through burnout. also, there’s a more virtual environment for a lot of people and, maybe they don’t want to go into work, but they felt like they, they need that personal connection.
and so they’re in this rock and a hard place on do I go back into the work place and spend all that money on gas? but you know, just finding joy at work seems to be something that’s always been challeng. But probably got maybe a little bit more challenging since COVID, what’s your thoughts on.
[00:05:32] Kyle Ellliott: Yes, it’s gone a lot more challenging right now with COVID with people working remotely with uncertainty of not knowing whether people have to come into work and every week or two people being told, oh, you might be coming into work. You might not, then there’s rising inflation. So everything’s more expensive and people aren’t getting raises, or it’s a 3% raise when everything’s gone up 10 or 20 or 30%.
[00:05:54] Kyle Ellliott: So it’s a really challenging time rate now. And I’ve had more people than literally ever before. I’ve been doing this summer. It was 10 years. And more people now, especially in the last few months than ever before, reaching out, saying I’m not happy at work, Kyle. Now what? And people don’t want just jobs.
[00:06:10] Kyle Ellliott: They tolerate, I’m finding people used to be okay with that. Now people really want jobs they love and that bring ’em satisfaction and meeting and purpose to their lives. Kyle,
[00:06:21] Sergio Patterson: what are some of the issues that you’re seeing from your clients? They might say, okay, I’m not happy. is there anything specific that you see that’s being raised right now in the workplace from people like what’s causing them to reach out to
[00:06:31] Kyle Ellliott: you?
[00:06:32] Kyle Ellliott: A lack of uncertainty. That’s one of the biggest things and that’s leading to a toxic culture, so they wanna know, okay, am I coming back in office in a month or a year or never? So do I have to keep living in this bay area or Los Angeles or Seattle or can I to Colorado? Or North Carolina and people wanna know what’s happening.
[00:06:52] Kyle Ellliott: And there’s just this lack of uncertainty, lack of communication. People wanna know, am I gonna be laid off? There’s all these tech layoffs and layoffs beyond tech happening. And there’s just a lack of uncertainty and people are scared and people are going back to their survival instincts and saying, I need to protect myself.
[00:07:09] Kyle Ellliott: Let me get ahead of this. Yeah, it’s
[00:07:10] Sergio Patterson: interesting. you also mentioned, the three. Normal pay raise that people are accustomed to. And Lee will knows a lot about this with being in finance, but the inflation is what I think, eight or 9% so that’s the other thing I think even, I’m comfortable where I’m at right now, but you know, inflation’s, if I only get a 4% raise this year, like I’m losing money.
[00:07:31] Sergio Patterson: So I think I’m the only one who’s saying this. but I, I think that’s really interesting and I think companies need to, I don’t know if companies are aware of it or they’re afraid to talk about it. I Don.
[00:07:40] Kyle Ellliott: I think they’re afraid to talk about it and it’s scary for them to think, oh my gosh, we have to give our whole workforce a 10 or 20% raise to keep them.
[00:07:49] Kyle Ellliott: But the flip side is what’s the cost of having to hire all new employees at that higher mark. Anyways. So either way you’re gonna have to address it. And I think it goes back to the uncertainty because I work primarily with executives and they’ve never been through a pandemic like this before. They’ve never dealt with this.
[00:08:07] Kyle Ellliott: And they’re saying, Kyle, I’ve never dealt with this either. I’m feeling just as uncertain as these employees and they have no one to turn to either. So it’s a lot of newness for people. And as humans, we just don’t like newness. So it’s scary and anxiety provoking.
[00:08:20] Lee Michael Murphy: So Carl going back to the topic of trying to find joy.
[00:08:24] Lee Michael Murphy: If we have someone that, they’re in this rut and they’re thinking, man, I hate my job. And that’s the constant thought that’s going through there. Search has this really great principle of, 80, 20,as long as you like, like 80% of what you do, 20, percent’s gonna be bullshit and make you upset.
[00:08:39] Lee Michael Murphy: That’s kind of normal, but let’s just say we’re going. Into this dark territory where it’s like, everything feels like every day feels like anxiety, stressed out and you just don’t like your job. What’s the first step to fixing the situation.
[00:08:55] Kyle Ellliott: I love. Surgery’s 80 20 rule. It’s more, optimistic than mine.
[00:08:59] Kyle Ellliott: I say it’s time to quit when you have more bad days than good days. It’s kinda like my childhood dog. It was time to put him down when he had more bad days than good days. Yeah. but I like the 80 20, I think that. Something good to shoot for if it dips below 80. Okay. Maybe it’s time to start looking, but if you’re noticing you’re in a situation where you’re unhappy, it’s feeling toxic, it’s stressful before you just run away from it.
[00:09:24] Kyle Ellliott: I encourage job seekers, not to just run away from their current job, but to say, what are you running toward? Sit down and pause. I like a quadrant and saying, here’s what I need in my next job. Here’s what I’m not compromising. Quadrant two. Here’s what I want in my job. Here’s what would be nice if I’m willing to be flexible?
[00:09:42] Kyle Ellliott: Here’s what I don’t want. I’d prefer not this by be flexible. Ihere’s what I can’t have. A deal breaker, write all that out. Cause a lot of people will go run and say, I need something new. Ooh, Amazon’s hiring, Meta’s hiring, Google’s hiring. But then one of the most important things they tell me is work life balance.
[00:09:58] Kyle Ellliott: And those may not be in alignment so I think of it a Sunday drive. We don’t wanna just go on a Sunday drive and say, oh, what’s out there. Gas is expensive, especially here in CA. Was like seven 50 the other day in LA. Instead what we wanna do is get really clear and say, where are we driving to?
[00:10:13] Kyle Ellliott: So I want you to sit in the car and get clear before you just start driving everywhere and see what’s out there. Know what you’re running towards instead of just running away from that toxic job you’re at.
[00:10:24] Lee Michael Murphy: If you want to go to the Matterhorn, you need a map. You don’t wanna just wander around Disneyland, trying to find the Matterhorn.
[00:10:28] Kyle Ellliott: Exactly. And these other things may be better, but you need to have a direction and know where you’re going and say, okay, if it’s close by, okay, I can just walk there. It’s not gonna be very difficult. But if you decide Disney world you’re destination and you’re at Disneyland right now, it’s gonna be a lot different journey and you’re gonna have to set up yourself differently.
[00:10:46] Sergio Patterson: yeah. The other thing you said that stood out was. Kind of knowing where you’re going, right? if you say work, life balance is important. You need to go talk to somebody at Amazon I’ve worked at Amazon. They don’t care about work life balance. Nope. so you need to be very, you need to, I don’t know if you coach your clients to like, maybe meet with some people that work there so they can really understand what’s really like maybe work life balance.
[00:11:07] Sergio Patterson: Isn’t important. Maybe they just want to grind and take that next level. but I think that’s something that’s really interesting is. Understanding why you’re leaving. I love that. And then understanding where you’re going. Would you say it’s more toxic cultures or is it someone wanting to get more?
[00:11:23] Sergio Patterson: More
[00:11:24] Kyle Ellliott: the cultures. Okay. With my clients. Most of my clients are senior managers and executives. So they’re making enough to survive, even thrive. And it’s more the cultures that they’re leaving yet. They see the shiny logo. They see Amazon, they see LinkedIn. I know you’re there Google all these companies and that’s what they get really excited about.
[00:11:44] Kyle Ellliott: And then they forget why they’re leaving. And that’s why I like getting really clear on the GPS directions where you’re going and like you, I recommend them, especially people like, so if you’re, for example, I work with a lot of, I say, go contact a mom at Amazon. And say’s it like being a mom at Amazon, a working mom, who’s a senior manager or director of VP, and then go and do that at different companies to really get some insights about what it’s like working.
[00:12:11] Kyle Ellliott: What’s also important is really to figure out why you’re leaving again and then having questions. So I encourage people to turn this list and this toxic culture into questions. So if there’s red flags you wanna avoid, you can also create questions from that and ask those when networking with people on when interviewing.
[00:12:27] Kyle Ellliott: So if work life balance is the issue. One of my clients, a question she created by I loved was just asking people, whoa, tell me about the last vacation you went on and on the surface, it seems like just a fun question, but underneath she can see, okay. If they can’t. Think about the last vacation they went on a lot of people at Amazon maybe this isn’t the right culture for me.
[00:12:46] Kyle Ellliott: If I have children, I don’t wanna take them to Disneyland or Disney world every six months or every year.
[00:12:51] Sergio Patterson: Kyle was thinking like, are there ever moments with clients where you get to a point where you’ve done all this and you realize maybe they can make that environment work? are there those moments where like you try to maybe leaving isn’t the right.
[00:13:05] Kyle Ellliott: Yes. So when you map this out, what you need want don’t want can’t help. I like comparing that to the current job and saying, is it just your manager? That’s the issue? Is it a certain colleague? Is it the department of a client now? And it’s really just her boss. And if we switch the boss, either her moving the boss moving makes some sort of adjust.
[00:13:26] Kyle Ellliott: That can make all the difference. Another client, they just wanna work remote. So they’re trying to navigate that internally and see if an exemption can be made for them to be able to work remote. Even though it’s in office culture, if he’s able to work remote, that’s gonna solve his issue. And that’s really his only issue with the organization.
[00:13:43] Kyle Ellliott: So once you get clear, you can figure out, oh, maybe I’m actually at the right destination. I just need to change how I’m sitting here.
[00:13:52] Lee Michael Murphy: so Kyle, what are some of the most common reasons for unhappiness? I know we’ve touched on a couple, but could you give us like your top three that, these are the ones that bring people down.
[00:14:03] Kyle Ellliott: I would say the toxic culture is one overall, just one where people are not kept in the loop and feel like they’re just waiting and they’re just not knowing what’s gonna go on. Okay. Are we gonna be brought into the office? Am I gonna be able to work remote? Is my job gonna be gone tomorrow? Another one is people not being given responsibility while a lot of the people I work with say they work a.
[00:14:25] Kyle Ellliott: They’re not getting enough responsibility and scope and oversight that they want. So they’re given all this responsibility, but they’re not given additional team members or different additional resources. We’re able to communicate with the executive team. So they’re not given that oversight and responsibility they want.
[00:14:42] Kyle Ellliott: And then third something that does come up a salary. And it’s not that they’re unhappy with where their salary started. They’re typically more than happy with that, but if they’ve been there 3, 5, 10 years, Their salary. Isn’t grown at the pace as if they jumped jobs every two or three years and their salary just isn’t keeping up.
So the one issue that we’ve seen is the manager issue. That’s that seems to be like a tough one. that doesn’t have a real easy fix, cuz even I’ve asked Sarge about this and he’s just you’re kind of Sol in a lot of ways, there’s ways around it, but it’s it’s up. It’s an uphill battle.
do you have any tips for, the manager sucks? , what’s your opinion on that?
[00:15:24] Kyle Ellliott: That comes up a lot with my clients. And oftentimes when they come to me and my coaching sessions with them, I say, is your manager on the screen with us? And the answer’s always no, a managers yet to show up in a coaching call.
[00:15:35] Kyle Ellliott: And I said, what’s your role in this? And how are you contribut? To this equation, there’s you and your manager and you are some part of this. Yes. Your manager may be an a-hole. They may be unkind. They may be a micromanager, or they may be absent and away from slack for four or five hours a day.
[00:15:53] Kyle Ellliott: But what’s your role in this and getting clear, and that can be helpful. Are you taking things too sensitively? Are you not showing up to the conversation and giving them the honest feedback that they need to hear? Are you being passive aggressive? Are you just being too aggressive? What’s your role in this?
[00:16:11] Kyle Ellliott: And that can be really helpful to identify. And the one rule I have when I work with clients, a single rule is they’re not allowed to say, I don’t know so I’ll have clients come to me and I’ll say, okay, what can you do differently? And they say, I don’t know, I’ve done everything I can I say, Nope. We’re gonna sit here and I’m an introvert, so I’m good at silence.
[00:16:29] Kyle Ellliott: So I will out silence you and we’ll sit here until you come up with what you can be doing differently, or at least try. Oftentimes people will place the blame on the manager and then that alleviates them from doing anything differently or trying something a little unique to try and address it with their manager.
[00:16:46] Sergio Patterson: That’s a really good point. I think that’s where I’ve gotten farther along in my career is understanding where I’ve messed up. it takes time to get there though. Like it’s tough, but then once you figure that out, oh, I could have done this differently. My bigger point to Lee early in the earlier conversations we’ve had is once you’ve lost their trust, though, I do think it’s very difficult to change their perception of you.
[00:17:08] Sergio Patterson: I don’t know if you agree with that, Kyle, but I think. It’s tough once you’ve lost the trust. Like you can make the relationship better, but I think what I’ve seen is once the trust is gone, then it’s by trust, I just mean like their perception essentially. yes, that’s when it’s maybe try to find a different team within the company or try to find, I think it’s very tough to turn that around and it’s possible, but D.
[00:17:29] Kyle Ellliott: Yes. And I find a lot of employees and job seekers are afraid to just have direct honest conversations. I’m looking at a PostIt here on my desk. It’s a single post I have on my desk. And it’s from my own coach and mentor that says, why don’t you answer honestly. And the bigger theme from that is being honest and direct with your manager and people are afraid to have those conversations.
[00:17:53] Kyle Ellliott: So sometimes they. Think their boss doesn’t trust them, but have you actually asked them or confronted them and said, Hey, I feel like there’s a lack of trust between us or maybe you don’t trust me. Can you tell me more about that? What’s going on here? How can I earn your trust and actually confronting them and having an honest.
[00:18:10] Kyle Ellliott: Conversation can be really powerful yet. People are afraid to have those open and honest conversations, or if you’re feeling like responsibility at work I’ve clients. Oh, how did your lack of I’ve done? Just expected to get more responsibility. It does
[00:18:29] Sergio Patterson: not just happen.
so it’s really to have those conversations and be direct and ask for what you want at work.
[00:18:35] Lee Michael Murphy: So we got the right job. We’re in the right environment. we got a great manager. What else do we do on top of that to keep bringing that joy and finding our fabulous.
what I find is a lot of people tend to blend in both in the job search and once they’re in their company and they say, Kyle, I’m not getting that promotion.
[00:18:54] Kyle Ellliott: I’m not getting that raise. I’m not getting that attention. And I find a lot of clients when we think of a bell curve, a lot of people fall in the middle. That’s how a bell curve works. And if you wanna stand out at work, if you wanna find that joy in happiness, if you wanna keep moving up in your career, I find that you wanna.
[00:19:10] Kyle Ellliott: Further along on that right side of the bell curve and figure out what sets you apart from other people. And it’s really hard to identify on your own, at least for most people. Here’s what sets me apart from others and pushes me out to the right on that bell curve. And I have a few strategies for that.
[00:19:27] Kyle Ellliott: One is to simply ask people to do some crowdsourcing. So for everyone listening, I would text three people and ask what makes me fabulous. And just crowdsource and get some ideas. And some of their responses may be pretty obvious, but oftentimes when clients do that, they’re like, oh my gosh, three different people mention this about me.
[00:19:46] Kyle Ellliott: And I was so surprised. I never thought I’m funny, but three different people said I’m funny. And that’s why. We get along so well at work or another client, they’re like, oh my God, every single person mentioned how they trust me. And my trust is the reason I’m so successful in sales. So figuring out what sets you apart from your colleagues and then bringing that to work and communicating it to your manager, to your colleagues, to clients when you have your performance reveal.
[00:20:13] Kyle Ellliott: I like that last piece
[00:20:14] Sergio Patterson: is, what I hear from you is like really creating your narrative in, in. Otherwise, I think people will have their own story about you, right? Exactly. You don’t tell your story. Someone is telling great point. I don’t know if you’ve seen that come up, Kyle, but I know I’ve seen it in Silicon valley and me being an introvert.
[00:20:32] Sergio Patterson: I’ve had my story told before, and it’s taken me a long time to go get out there and start building my brand and perception and stuff within
[00:20:40] Kyle Ellliott: C. Exactly. And it can be scary. I’m a fellow introvert. So that’s why I like doing some of that crowdsourcing to see how other people see you and then see if it matches your internal perception and then ask yourself every day.
[00:20:53] Kyle Ellliott: What’s one little thing I can do today to help share my fabulousness at work or leverage or harness the power of that fabulousness and share it. And then if you’re looking for a job, the same thing, if what sets you apart from other people. Maybe as an introvert is your ability to ask questions or think analytically or approach something from a lot of different angles, make sure you share that on your resume, on your LinkedIn when you’re networking, when you’re interviewing and really throw a spotlight on that.
[00:21:21] Lee Michael Murphy: So when it comes to, finding what people really like about you, and then sharing that I love this, this mindset, when you’re doing this where you’re sharing the best parts about you, are you going to do this with regular employees? Do you feel this needs to be showed with the higher up where it can make people more nervous to be?
[00:21:41] Lee Michael Murphy: Maybe they’re funny, right? But maybe they’re super scared every time their executive comes by. They’re like, I don’t wanna be joking around with this person. This scares the crap out of me. But you know, when it comes to showing the best qualities about you, is there a rule of just, you have to show it to everybody?
[00:21:56] Kyle Ellliott: I would reflect on some of the best moments in your life. So when have you had great moments in your. And then ask yourself what all those have in common. So for me, it was moving to Santa Barbara. It was proposing to my partner. It was pursuing my doctorate, all these best moments and all of them have in common, at least one thing, which is taking big risks.
[00:22:18] Kyle Ellliott: So at work, I imagine if you take big risks like this humor, like sharing your fabulousness, you’re also gonna have more great. So it might seem scary to take these risks at work, like sharing your ness or your humor with an executive. But on the other side of these big risks are more great moments. So I’d be curious.
[00:22:37] Kyle Ellliott: What would happen if you took more risks at work you would likely have also more great moments at work as well. That’s gold.
[00:22:44] Lee Michael Murphy: Good
[00:22:44] Sergio Patterson: job, Kyle. Yeah, I like that. what’s the worst that can happen, right? The joke doesn’t. But yeah, I love that
[00:22:49] Kyle Ellliott: but if that’s what makes you fabulous, why not share that and highlight it?
[00:22:53] Kyle Ellliott: And that’s why it’s your fabulousness is that’s what you’re known for. And all these people recognize it. You’re not trying to fake humor, but that’s what makes you fabulous. Why not share it?
[00:23:01] Lee Michael Murphy: And I love the point of this all the best moments in your life, where for taking that extra risk. I think we forget that.
[00:23:08] Lee Michael Murphy: . I think your situation is common to everybody. But we tend to get set in our ways and we tend to let fear take over and then we don’t wanna take risks. The fear that comes with, knowing that you’re taking risk, but you brought up a great point.
[00:23:22] Lee Michael Murphy: Like some of the best times in our lives, the best opportunities is because we take
[00:23:27] Kyle Ellliott: risk. And yeah, and sharing your fabulousness is a risk to showing up and saying, this is who I am and what makes me great and sharing. That’s really scary for me. Something that makes me fabulous is my ability to coach people and ask powerful questions.
[00:23:39] Kyle Ellliott: And sometimes it’s scary asking those really difficult, challenging questions. And then on another side of that are these amazing, great outcomes. So for me, I even have that happen. I’m with executives, I ask these really tough, challenging question. And then the other side of that are these amazing outcomes.
[00:23:56] Kyle Ellliott: So if you’re struggling, oh, do I share this fabulousness? Do I highlight this? Ask yourself again, great moments. They had big risks and just keep leaning into that.
[00:24:06] Sergio Patterson: So I have a question. You’ve worked with, executives that looks like meta Netflix, Vayner media.
[00:24:11] Sergio Patterson: People that may have worked with Nancy Pelosi. are there any like stories or something interesting, like what’s the most interesting thing you’ve worked on or without naming names? I know that’s about confidential, but is there something that you can just like a nugget of an interesting story you could share with us with all these great people?
[00:24:28] Sergio Patterson: Like seeing all these companies I’m seeing like usher machine gun Kelly that’s debatable
[00:24:33] Kyle Ellliott: and great.
[00:24:36] Sergio Patterson: Jamie Fox. Lots of big names. Yeah. What’s a cool story. You could. That
[00:24:41] Kyle Ellliott: without naming names, what’s most exciting for me is the ripple impact of my work. My master’s was in nonprofit management, my doctorate in education.
[00:24:50] Kyle Ellliott: I love the ripple impact. So my favorite clients, I don’t love tech. It’s not like I was drawn to tech. I wanted to do it. Most of my clients are word of mouth. So it happened by accident. But I, one, my clients work at tech or some other company with a huge impact of a billion or 2 billion users. And I’ve had some clients work on diversity campaigns and tech, where it was literally diversity for the entire tech organization or the social media giants.
[00:25:16] Kyle Ellliott: And that was really cool knowing that my client worked on these campaigns that literally impacted every user. Of these organizations. And I could never do that. That’s not my zone of genius tech for engineering or a client recently taught me literally how to integrate zoom in my calendar. I was sending separate invites every time.
[00:25:35] Kyle Ellliott: But when they do that work into no a billion or 2 billion people are learning about diversity because of my clients and inclusion and equity. That’s some of the most exciting stuff for me and knowing, and having that impact on the world, through my clients. That’s awesome. Thanks for sharing. And I think the other thing that comes to mind is that these executives are human too.
[00:25:58] Kyle Ellliott: I’ve had a lot of clients. One client right now is prepping to interview with mark Zuckerberg and these clients are also nervous. So these big wig executives that do press conferences that present to the board who are really impressive, they’re also nervous. And they also. Ask for help with their job searches.
[00:26:19] Kyle Ellliott: So if you are struggling or nervous, know that it’s okay and you’re not alone. Even these big wigs making multi seven figure salaries, they struggle as well. And that’s normal.
[00:26:29] Sergio Patterson: Just thinking like these people who are that high up , if they’re just humid, you would think they’re just going to these interviews and just be super confident, but they’re just as anxious
[00:26:39] Kyle Ellliott: as we.
[00:26:40] Kyle Ellliott: Yes, exactly. And sometimes even more, cuz they’ve had so much experience there’s this facade that they should be perfect and have it all down. Well, it’s actually quite the opposite. There aren’t resources out there saying here’s how to prep for an interview with the fortune 10 CEO. There aren’t resources out there for that.
[00:26:56] Kyle Ellliott: So there on their own a lot and it’s lonely and it’s okay to feel that way and to ask for help.
[00:27:01] Lee Michael Murphy: That’s great. Kyle mental. In the workplace is a big topic. I think it’s only become more of an issue since COVID started. but what tips do you have for our listeners in terms of how they can prioritize and, keep mental health top of mind and maybe help themselves, fix, issues that they might be dealing.
[00:27:22] Kyle Ellliott: The first thought that comes to mind is not going at it alone. So when you’re struggling with your mental health, it can be really lonely. So finding if you feel comfortable, some sort of support system. So at your organization, it could be leveraging your employee assistance program. So a lot of my clients forget that they have an employee assistance program.
[00:27:42] Kyle Ellliott: That’ll often cover literally free therapy. Free counseling and provide you referrals and resources, or if you feel comfortable talking to your manager about what’s going on. I never encourage people to self disclose before they’re ready. And there’s that psychological safety at work . But if you feel comfortable talking to your manager and saying, this is what I need to help my mental health and be able to cope with the stress and anxiety of work, a pandemic recent mass shootings, the economic downturn now small.
or monkeypox all these going on and then also asking for help in your support system to help hold you accountable. So friends that you trust family members, a therapist, a coach having that support system around you can be really helpful. I live with multiple mental health conditions and being able to have these different people I can count on has been so valuable for me as I navigate everything that goes.
[00:28:36] Kyle Ellliott: In the world, not just right now, but there’s always something going on and it’s helpful to have these people you can count on and confide in. Yeah,
[00:28:46] Sergio Patterson: I think that makes a lot of sense. The support system’s huge, big proponent of therapy. I think, especially in these, I know you work with a lot of tech companies in Silicon valley, but.
[00:28:56] Sergio Patterson: There’s a lot of pressure on people who work at these big companies. like performance reviews and I’ve seen people really get stressed out. I try, I’ve learned how to deal with it over time. But, do you have any specific, like outside of the support system, like there, there’s just a lot of people who really struggle with this on a, these annual performance reviews.
are there anything else that people can do to prepare themselves? for these moments and during the year where they’re just completely stressed out.
[00:29:20] Kyle Ellliott: What I would suggest is looking at the bigger picture and seeing how you can balance it. So let’s see you have these really stressful components at work, such as these performance reviews or you’re presenting to the board, or you have a big presentation to your boss, look and see if there’s anything else you can do to balance it out.
[00:29:38] Kyle Ellliott: So is it for me a Disneyland trip or even just one of my clients, making sure she left her high rise every day, she was in a high rise and she. I don’t leave all day. Kyle I’m in here all day. And for her, our goal was literally. Leave your building every day. And sometimes she’s like Kyle, I literally just ran downstairs and stepped outside.
[00:29:56] Kyle Ellliott: So I could tell most days during call her mom. So finding some balance and joy and happiness outside of work. Can be really helpful and that balance looks different. It may be 20 minutes on your Peloton in the morning. It may be a movie with your partner at night, but having some balance can be helpful.
[00:30:18] Kyle Ellliott: And when you’re in those times that aren’t super stressful setting up that schedule and routine so that when you get to those stressful periods, you already have some routine there. That’ll keep you moving and having that momentum going. That’s a good one. Love that.
[00:30:32] Sergio Patterson: Especially in this, working from home environ, for me just getting outside, getting some sun, otherwise I’m just like in this dungeon all day that kind of brings me outta my
[00:30:38] Kyle Ellliott: funk sometimes.
[00:30:40] Kyle Ellliott: Exactly. And I like scheduling it a lot of my clients, especially in Silicon valley, they’re meeting heavy, they have eight or 10 or 12 meetings a day. So scheduling some meetings with yourself of working out of going outside of having a lunch break. And then also having some accountability partners.
[00:30:57] Kyle Ellliott: Some of my clients will find a neighbor and go walking or call their mom during a break. Having some people who hold you accountable and you’re doing the meetings with, or these self care. Can be really powerful as well. For me, I’m a recovering workaholic and I run my own business. So it’s easy to just work all the time.
[00:31:14] Kyle Ellliott: So my goal is by the time my partner gets home, I wanna be done working. So to have these systems in place that work for you can be really powerful. Lee. I think you were a workaholic
[00:31:24] Sergio Patterson: at one point.
[00:31:25] Lee Michael Murphy: Yeah. I’m managing it a little bit better now. in terms of like burnout. work is always stressful by nature, but when do you think you’re teetering upon this point where you’re getting into a dangerous place from burnout versus something where you can suck it up and handle it?
is there a way that you would tell your clients to think about that and be able to gauge their situ.
[00:31:45] Kyle Ellliott: There’s two things that come to mind. One, like we talked about earlier, are you having more bad days than good days? It’s normal to have a bad day or two, but if you’re having consistently bad days and they outweigh the good days, that’s one sign.
[00:31:58] Kyle Ellliott: The other one is, are you just consistently thinking about quitting? It’s normal to have a day where you’re like, I just hate this. I’m done with this company. But if you’re consistently quitting about thinking, I would look at that and say, why is this, why do I keep thinking about quitting in other jobs?
[00:32:13] Kyle Ellliott: And then write it down what that’s about. So let’s say you’re envious of someone you’re like, oh, I’m so excited. This person works at LinkedIn or, Ooh, I’m so excited that person works at home. Write it down. What’s that about? What is that jealousy or envy about? Write out what you admire and then look at that list and see if you can integrate any of that into your current.
[00:32:33] Kyle Ellliott: Sometimes people think they have to go pursue a new job to achieve these things when really some of that might be able to happen at your current job. Not all of it, but some of it. And part of that is just negotiating with yourself or negotiating with your manager.
[00:32:47] Lee Michael Murphy: So Kyle, let’s go onto, your company.
[00:32:50] Lee Michael Murphy: I believe it’s caffeinated Kyle, right? So I love the name because I, now I have this vision of you drinking espresso shots on the Dumbo ride. , just pounding espresso shots while you’re going round and round on Dubbo. tell us about the. Tell us about what your company specializes in?
[00:33:06] Kyle Ellliott: Yeah. So the name came up when I was creating it. I was a few years in my business, actually started as a side hustle. I literally charged $5 for resume reviews, LinkedIn profile summaries on fiber and online marketplace. And then it kept growing and growing. And I was like, I need some sort of company name and one of my staff members at the time, they’re like, oh, you like coffee, maybe something coffee.
[00:33:28] Kyle Ellliott: And we kept noodling and noodling. And finally came up with caffeinated Kyle cause I love coffee. I C meet people’s careers. I encourage people to network and meet for coffees. This was pre COVID, where people actually networked in person. So then Kyle came up and now I help primarily people in Silicon valley and tech find jobs they love.
[00:33:47] Kyle Ellliott: And then once they’re in them succeed in those jobs,
[00:33:50] Sergio Patterson: , once they sign up, they kind of have you. They get the job, but then they can still leverage your services to. Rise in that job. Is that, what am I hearing
[00:34:00] Kyle Ellliott: that correct? Yeah. So it depends on the client. Some people hire me and they say, Kyle, I wanna work at LinkedIn as a program manager, help me land that.
[00:34:07] Kyle Ellliott: And that’s all they want other people they’re like Kyle, I’m 40. I have all this experience. I have no idea what I wanna do. Help me figure out what I should do. Some people they’re like, I want the whole shebang help me land a job. Someone, once I’m in there hit the ground running. And then some clients it’s just executive coaching.
[00:34:24] Kyle Ellliott: Once they’re in there, they just say, I wanna take it to the next level. So really anything around finding a job and succeeding in it. That’s my zone of just developing and growing in your career.
[00:34:35] Lee Michael Murphy: Carl, thank you so much for coming on our show, your inspiration. I love all the work you’re doing. but before we go, I’m gonna ask you a very important question, which is your favorite Disney character and
[00:34:48] Kyle Ellliott: why? Oh my gosh. I love stitch he’s absolutely my favorite cuz he is just unique in himself and he is just out there and I absolutely love him so much.
[00:35:00] Kyle Ellliott: Is he this,
Lilo and stitch, obviously, which one? He’s got the big ears. Okay.
[00:35:04] Kyle Ellliott: Yeah. Yes. He’s the little blue. He’s like an experiment. So he is kind of like a koala bear thing.
[00:35:11] Lee Michael Murphy: Oh, yes. I know which one I saw. Who stitches? Yes. It’s the cracked out quality it, yes,
[00:35:16] Kyle Ellliott: exactly. Which one you’re talking about?
[00:35:17] Kyle Ellliott: Yes,
[00:35:18] Sergio Patterson: I like that. He doesn’t get enough love. That’s a good place. He
[00:35:21] Kyle Ellliott: standard. He doesn’t, yeah, that’s a good one. But I think he’s making a comeback all of a sudden, the last year they’ve had a ton of merchandise at Disney about it. So I feel like he’s getting this comeback all of a sudden.
[00:35:31] Kyle Ellliott: That’s
[00:35:31] Lee Michael Murphy: amazing. Well, thank you. Sharing that. Kyle we’ve loved having. People, reach out to Kyle. He’s a great resource and check out his LinkedIn, check out his fancy website. thank you so much, buddy. We’d love to having you on today. Thank you. You’ve been listening to the freeway. I reached out so long for now.