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[00:00:00] Lee Michael Murphy: Welcome into the free retiree show podcast, episode 1 27. How to improve your everyday focus to achieve your goals. We are your go-to podcast for your career, your money. I’m your host wealth manager at Lee, Michael Murphy. And I’m all alongside my pal. LinkedIn’s best decision. The one, the only Sergio Patterson, what is up everyone?

[00:00:25] Lee Michael Murphy: And of course everyone’s favorite attorney, hands down, Matt MC Gilroy

[00:00:31] Robb Gilbear: going on.

[00:00:33] Lee Michael Murphy: Thank you so much for tuning into our show today, we’re gonna be doing a career advancement edition. So as you heard from the topic, we’re gonna be talking about how you get laser focus. How do you accomplish your goals through your focus?

[00:00:45] Lee Michael Murphy: We got a fantastic expert. We have Rob Jill bear. He’s gonna be coming on. but guys, I’m gonna start both of you guys things. Just devastate your focus, what would they be? I’m just asking you two guys, like there’s something out there that just kind of throws you off your game. What is it?

[00:00:59] Lee Michael Murphy: [00:01:00] Maddie, go first. my

[00:01:00] Robb Gilbear: phone the

[00:01:01] Matt McElroy: phone is the single worst killer. Like I’ll notice I just pick it up sometimes and I’m like, what am I doing? Why am I touching this thing? I don’t know. It’s like it, It’s just going on or, I’m losing the word right now,

[00:01:09] Robb Gilbear: but it’s just you

[00:01:10] Matt McElroy: don’t even think.

[00:01:11] Lee Michael Murphy: For me, I’m gonna copy on that one too. but specifically Bleacher report is my, guilty pleasure for you guys that don’t know. That’s like a sports app. It gives you good one sports updates. I can get caught in that in the middle of the day, when I’m supposed to be my most productive half hour goes by 45 minutes goes what am I doing?

[00:01:26] Lee Michael Murphy: Why am I reading on Kevin Durant? Where is he going? Who, why should I care about this? Sarge, Yeah, phone for sure. The other thing is my six yearold daughter, but actually both my kids.

[00:01:35] Lee Michael Murphy: They’re both distracted. Are you allowed to say that? I hope your wife demolishes you for this, but you can add her to the list too.

[00:01:43] Robb Gilbear: I’m kidding. Kidding.

[00:01:44] Lee Michael Murphy: Oh, dropping bobs,

[00:01:46] Sergio Patterson: I think the phone is for sure one and then

[00:01:48] Lee Michael Murphy: For anyone

[00:01:48] Sergio Patterson: who has kids, that’s just the honest truth. Like

[00:01:51] Matt McElroy: it’s a city place there do.

[00:01:52] Robb Gilbear: Yeah.

[00:01:53] Sergio Patterson: Maybe distraction’s the wrong word, but I think they can throw me off my game.

if I’m really trying to focus, my daughter might run in the office, throw me off

[00:02:00] my

[00:02:00] Lee Michael Murphy: game. That’s all. I mean, blaming it on the kids. Disclaimer, that’s it. Okay. We all got a different. Focus areas that we need to work on, but we’re gonna be going over that today. Rob’s a fantastic expert in this space.

[00:02:10] Lee Michael Murphy: He’s gonna give you the tips that are gonna help you stay focused, get more done, achieve your goals. The other thing we’ll be discussed in today is how to establish and create unwavering confidence and self esteem. A lot of us struggle with that. I’m just gonna ask, attorney Matt. MCY,

[00:02:25] Lee Michael Murphy: you’re a rather confident fella. I mean, I wanna get your tips before we big Rob on, just for the listeners, He used to Dawn Speedos on a regular basis, walking through his neighborhood, he drives a Hummer. He has a tattoo of a beach scene on his rib cage. This just screams confidence. But Matt, how do you do it every day?

well, it’s funny you say all that, cuz you know, when I first started being an attorney. Confidence was not there. , I was dealing big time with, imposter syndrome. I’m in a room with, attorneys that are 20 to 30 years experience. And, I generally just didn’t know what I was doing at the time as much, as much as I do now.

[00:02:57] Matt McElroy: And you just, it’s one of those things that, law school teaches you [00:03:00] great theory, but the practical application is a completely different world. And so. Yeah, something I definitely struggled with for the first couple years and, the whole imposter syndrome stuff and just oh, wow.

[00:03:10] Matt McElroy: Do I really deserve to be here with these other guys that are, partners at firms and all this other stuff, but, and, , it’s just a kind of funny story that Lee can kind of, relate to is, I had bought a car from Lee God. When, how long ago was it that Honda civic Honda.

[00:03:22] Lee Michael Murphy: Oh, yeah.

[00:03:22] Matt McElroy: Years ago. Yeah. I was in law school. I think I was in like my second year of law school and you guys gave me an amazing deal on it and it like saved me cuz my car had broke down

[00:03:29] Lee Michael Murphy: car civic, yes.

[00:03:30] Matt McElroy: salvage Honda, the civic smashed in the front, smashed in the back.

[00:03:34] Matt McElroy: The front was my fault. The back was least

[00:03:36] Robb Gilbear: fault true.

[00:03:36] Matt McElroy: But it was just the reason I bring that up is cuz you know, when I was at my first job, I would park in a valet parking garage and people would be like, what the hell is he valet in that piece of shit?

[00:03:47] Robb Gilbear: I was

my smash night. You 2000 Honda civic or it was two, three Honda civic.

[00:03:52] Matt McElroy: Park next to Maseratis covets, Teslas. It was just like that didn’t help the imposter syndrome.

[00:03:59] Lee Michael Murphy: absolutely. I [00:04:00] could sympathize with that, man.

[00:04:01] Robb Gilbear: Oh, wow.

[00:04:02] Lee Michael Murphy: or showing up at a deposition with a rinky dink civic when everybody else has got Mercedes and everything else, it’s just, I mean, we’ve all been there, but yeah, that, that was that’s tough being in the attorney world. I bet. yeah, how’s better cost.

[00:04:13] Lee Michael Murphy: Well, thank God today. We got Rob coming on and, Rob he’s helped 250 plus entrepreneurs in a dozen countries help grow their business to a successful status.

[00:04:24] Lee Michael Murphy: He’s also the author of the best selling book died before they do. that love that title, man stands out a little scary, but yeah, I like it. and he’s helped foster culture, some of the best tech companies in the world award-winning ones and,he is the man on. How you become successful and build a profitable business and just have a better everyday life.

and the best thing, I think that stands out about his bio, a DJ for burning man. Wow. Yeah. A former DJ back in the day. So he’s gonna have, he’s gonna have some great stories, baby. He’ll share those with you, but without further ado, Rob, how [00:05:00] are you doing this morning? Thank you for coming on our show.

[00:05:03] Robb Gilbear: Thank you, Lee. I’m doing well. Super appreciate being here with you and the other guys. I’m in a great spirits

[00:05:08] Lee Michael Murphy: today. Awesome, man. We’ll start off with the first question though. So being the DJ at burning man, is it as awesome as it seems?

[00:05:14] Robb Gilbear: It is because I’ve been, was collecting and sharing music for as long as I could remember from early childhood days, music saved me in a lot of ways.

[00:05:23] Robb Gilbear: It’s got me away from problems at home, got me from depression, helped me meet amazing people. So it was such a big part of my life. And then getting to share music at somewhere like Birdman, where. People are acting free. Spirited. They’re in costumes. They’re not talking or thinking about their stresses at home.

[00:05:38] Robb Gilbear: And it’s just such a creative outlet where it really feels that anything truly is possible. So it is just as incredible as you think it would be

[00:05:46] Lee Michael Murphy: . I’ve always heard the stories. It’s nice to actually meet someone that was a focal point.

[00:05:51] Sergio Patterson: Yeah. Of isn’t it. Isn’t it happening soon, Rob

[00:05:54] Robb Gilbear: it like, yeah, it happens at the end of.

[00:05:56] Robb Gilbear: August. It happens the week leading up to labor day, weekend every year. [00:06:00] Okay. Yeah.

[00:06:00] Sergio Patterson: I have a coworker. Who’s going he’s he talks about it in pretty much every meeting

[00:06:03] Lee Michael Murphy: can’t wait

[00:06:07] Lee Michael Murphy: so Rob, let’s talk about, getting focused, right? The importance of it,your career coach, you help mentor people. You help get more done, establish more milestones in their lives. talk to us about the importance of focus and your view on it.

[00:06:21] Robb Gilbear: So it’s just so important because we have a finite amount of time and a finite amount of energy.

[00:06:26] Robb Gilbear: And maybe my favorite explanation to say is, outside of my house here, a couple blocks away, there’s a corner store. And if my goal was to get to that corner store and I walked out of my front door and I took two steps in one direction and then turned around and took two steps in one direction and then turned around and then, oh, but then I went for five steps the other way and turned around.

[00:06:45] Robb Gilbear: I would never get to the store. I’d never get to the destination unless by some kind of dumb luck or sheer accident, or it could take me years. And it’s the same thing with the amount of time you have in the day. And you can say, you wanna do all these different things and say they’re all in a priority, [00:07:00] but which one at any given time, you can really only have one priority and when you dial in your focus, your time and your.

[00:07:06] Robb Gilbear: You can get more done sometimes in an hour than you can in four or six and we’ve all done. It we’ve put something off. We thought about doing it. We knew it was important. We said, we’d do it. And then we sat down to do it and it took six minutes. And if you dial in your focus and stop interruptions, like it’s funny to joke about, your kids and your wife being, cuz it’s true.

[00:07:24] Robb Gilbear: It’s anything that interrupts you. The internet, our phones are magic. The way that we are connected, the way that Lee you and I first met. And I like I haven’t met Sergio or met before is thanks to this. it is incredible. That’s how I have clients around the world. It’s how I’ve grown my business it’s but it’s also detrimental to focus.

[00:07:39] Robb Gilbear: So being aware of it, and then there’s a bunch of things I could talk about, and share as far as like then how you dial it in. But it is everything. It really is everything. And anytime. I work with a new mentor. I work with a new coach cuz I’m still working with people like I’m helping all sorts of people.

[00:07:52] Robb Gilbear: I’m, it’s one of the number one things they’re always trying to dial this thing in as far as no one thing focus on one thing, do one thing [00:08:00] incredibly. Well. What is your main focus at any point in time? and it’s the variety of the three of you. You’ve all different careers. You’ve all got different backgrounds.

[00:08:07] Robb Gilbear: I’m sure there’s different things you’re interested in and you can do it all. You just can’t do it all at once. My book. We mentioned my book briefly. I wrote the first draft in 43 days because I shut everything down and I made it, that was my focus. I was gonna write that thing and I had a goal in mind and I really got hyper hyperfocused to make it happen.

[00:08:26] Sergio Patterson: Rob, how do you think about prioritization? I think that’s the other thing that gets me on a weekly, just like a daily basis is I’ll have 15 things I want to tackle and then I have ’em on a list, but then it’s like, how do you think about prioritizing what you want to get done or that goal or whatever it may

[00:08:40] Robb Gilbear: be.

[00:08:41] Robb Gilbear: Yeah. it’s funny. I’ve got a to-do list, but it’s more like a, just get it outta my mind list. And I don’t work off a to-do list anymore because you, what ends up happening it’s either. Oh, I kind of feel like doing something and it’s like sixth thing on the list and it’s not that important or it’s, and I’m looking at the things I wanna do or need to do.

[00:08:58] Robb Gilbear: And the prioritization is well, [00:09:00] what is the one thing that’s truly gonna move the business forward? What’s the one thing that’s gonna have way more impact. What’s the one thing that if I do it, it makes a bunch of those other things, not nearly as important. So I still use a list to dump crap outta my mind.

[00:09:12] Robb Gilbear: Cause if it’s outta my head and on a list somewhere, I’m not gonna think about it. and then every morning I wake up and I write two, maybe three things. if I do these two things today, when I go to bed tonight, I feel good that I’ve really moved the ball further down the field that I’ve really made some kind of difference that I’ve really made some kind of impact.

[00:09:28] Robb Gilbear: And in the, in combination with there’s certain things that I do every single day, no matter what, because they’re so important to my business. and those things it’s I joke sometimes to people that, I sleep, I eat, I meditate, I do some structures and exercises. I tell my partner, I love her.

[00:09:43] Robb Gilbear: I send connection requests on LinkedIn. And I do some focus writing time. there’s a couple of these things that like, it doesn’t matter if I’m publishing content or not, I’m writing every day and it doesn’t matter what’s going on in my life. I’m sending connection requests on LinkedIn, every that’s the main platform that I connect and work with people.

[00:09:59] Robb Gilbear: So [00:10:00] yeah. Habits, routine, making routine, some of the most important things that are moving things forward. And then, yeah, the 15 listing it’s overwhelming. What’s the one or two things that are really important that are gonna move things forward and then making it a priority. And then when it’s done cool, you can put something else to the top spot to the second spot.

[00:10:16] Matt McElroy: That’s a good point. one thing that you were saying is,we only have so much energy, right? And so when you have these to do lists and these things that you gotta do, I’ve noticed something that I’ve done in the past and I try to stay away from now. I’ll kind of burn myself out on the littler things before I get to the big thing.

[00:10:30] Matt McElroy: And then by the time I get to the big thing, I’m like, God, I got no gas left at the tank. and, I think that’s a common mistake that a lot of people. That make. And I probably prioritizing those, is probably

[00:10:38] Robb Gilbear: important. That’s a really good point. A lot of people have spoken about it.

[00:10:42] Robb Gilbear: There’s a famous productivity book. It’s older, it’s called eat the frog. And it, the whole premise is about well, what is the main thing? You know what it is? You might have some hesitation around doing it, but you know that once you do it, you’re gonna feel better and everything’s gonna move forward.

[00:10:55] Robb Gilbear: I think Jim Roone has a. people majoring in minor things. And that’s what you’re talking about. It’s like [00:11:00] focusing on the little things and maybe you get the norphine hit from scratching it off your to-do list, but it wasn’t really the important thing. It wasn’t the thing that’s gonna make a difference.

[00:11:09] Robb Gilbear: It’s not the thing. That’s gonna allow you to spend more time with your family or be able to take that extra vacation or, to impact more people’s lives or whatever it is that you’re doing in your life, your business or whatever.

[00:11:19] Sergio Patterson: That’s exactly what it is. Those smaller things are easier to check off for me.

[00:11:23] Sergio Patterson: And then I’m like almost deflecting

[00:11:24] Lee Michael Murphy: the bigger problems that I need to tackle.

[00:11:27] Robb Gilbear: It’s you’re, it’s

you’re tricking yourself. Like I got something done. yeah. It’s spot. Is it really that

[00:11:31] Robb Gilbear: important though? something that’s helpful with that, that I’ve found too, is that, so that bigger thing it’s sometimes nebulous.

[00:11:37] Robb Gilbear: It’s like this big, hairy thing, God, what is it? And you can start overthinking it. And for me, I’m looking for the, on. What is the small two minute thing. That is the first part of that. What’s the first little step that I could do in less than five minutes. That’ll move me because if you, then I can get the endorphins of yeah, I did that little thing, but I also know.

[00:11:56] Robb Gilbear: If I start, I’m more likely to continue and like a small example that I’m [00:12:00] thinking of right now, cuz I’m in our kitchen right now. And I’m looking at the sink. If I let the sink get overwhelming with dishes and I’m like, oh God, I really gotta do that. And this is gonna get pissed off. I haven’t, I, instead of being like, I’m gonna do all the dishes cause I’ve been avoiding, I’m like, I’m just gonna wash one dish.

[00:12:14] Robb Gilbear: I’m gonna wash that one plate. And I know I’m kind of lying to myself. It’s the same thing. if I have something to write something I gotta create and it’s oh, I gotta rewrite this whole lesson for my program. Or it’s this big thing I’m like, okay, I’m just gonna, I’m gonna put, I’m gonna make three bullet points.

[00:12:29] Robb Gilbear: The, my todo is I’m gonna make three bullet points on this thing that I’m trying to do today, but then I know that one, I can scratch it off, but then if I write those three bullets, there’s a good chance. I’ll probably end up writing 10 bullets. if I write for 10 minutes and I more likely end up writing for half hour or 45 minutes.

[00:12:47] Robb Gilbear: It’s kinda like a momentum, right? Yeah. Big time Rob.

[00:12:51] Lee Michael Murphy: It’s tough to stay focused on the more important things, like I think Serg alluded to it. So, like I find myself doing the same thing, like there’s tasks [00:13:00] that probably aren’t as important, but I think a lot of times my thought is like, well, just get some small base hits, get the emails done,print out these forms and sign them.

but the whole grand scheme of things, I mean, it may have probably not the most important things, but I feel like I can. Trick myself into thinking a lot of this, these tasks are important. I don’t know when I know that they’re not important, you can get caught in that web. How do you have people avoid that?

[00:13:26] Lee Michael Murphy: Like kind of tricking the themselves into believing what they’re doing is productive when it’s really not.

[00:13:32] Robb Gilbear: Or just asking questions as far as we, what happens if you do that task? What happens if you don’t do that task? What’s the worst case scenario. If you ignore this thing for six weeks,

[00:13:41] Robb Gilbear: if you ignore that thing and just, you start asking questions and shining a light on it and you can pretty quickly get to actually that’s more important or that’s less important. And the tricking yourself with email is such a great example, right? Cuz like it feels good. But the problem with that is that’s other people’s priorities normally that’s other people’s asks from you and.

[00:13:59] Robb Gilbear: If you [00:14:00] start the day with your phone, if you start your day in your inbox, before you look at what are my two priorities for the day, even if you check those things off and you feel good, oh, I got them. You’re still, you’re thinking about it. And you’re like, there’s that one that you didn’t respond to that, you’re gonna respond to later.

[00:14:12] Robb Gilbear: That’s stealing time, that’s stealing energy. Versus if there’s one or two things, they take a bit more focus and, you need to be really in the zone. The sooner you can get to it, or the least amount of crap you can have between you and doing that thing. because yeah, like looking at your 15 to do list, looking in your inbox, checking notifications on LinkedIn or Instagram, You’re done you’re toast.

[00:14:34] Robb Gilbear: Like your mind has already collected 150 little things.

[00:14:37] Lee Michael Murphy: That’s great. and I also feel like, I dunno if you guys are all the same, but like after you go through these tasks that can take, sometime like hours, you’re mentally not as focused. I mean, I feel like I lose a little bit, of my edge for the tough task.

the ones that require more brain power is do you guys feel the same? Yeah, it’s

[00:14:56] Matt McElroy: it’s a mental endurance thing. Right. and I think it’s like a, kinda what we’re [00:15:00] saying or like kind of it’s like bare form is that it’s almost like a form of. Procrastination cuz we’re, taking the little things to put off the big thing, Like it’s I know I do that too. Cause I’ll have a big project that I’m just like dreading that D is gonna be

[00:15:13] Robb Gilbear: like pulling teeth out and I’ll

[00:15:15] Matt McElroy: put a bunch of little things

[00:15:16] Robb Gilbear: in front of, cause I just don’t wanna do it.

[00:15:17] Lee Michael Murphy: Yeah. It’s like short.

[00:15:18] Sergio Patterson: I think those little winds are like short, endorphins.

[00:15:21] Sergio Patterson: Like you guys, someone said that. It just it feels good for five minutes then you realize you have the big things to still do. Rob, some you touched on earlier was, the importance of routine. I love having a routine, but I struggle with maintaining that routine.

[00:15:35] Sergio Patterson: Can you talk to us a little bit about how you’ve set those routines and like how you actually are consistent with them?

[00:15:42] Robb Gilbear: Yep. So there’s a couple things. Reminding myself that anyone that I look up to anyone, I admire anyone who succeeded at a level that I aspire to. One day, they, the little daily things they do them.

[00:15:54] Robb Gilbear: Like they don’t ignore them. And we always think it’s no, he got invited on that one podcast. He had [00:16:00] that one moment. He met this one person that it’s. No, the people who really get to those places who end up on those interviews and who make that kind of money or whatever.

[00:16:08] Robb Gilbear: They do the little things on a daily basis. And more of those people that I look at that I examine who biographies I read, I keep finding more and more evidence of it. So there’s I’m building up evidence to justify what I know is the better behavior. And then with it, I normally go two steps before, like morning routines is something we’ve all heard about so much.

[00:16:25] Robb Gilbear: And like the morning routines of the billionaire or whatever. You gotta go a couple steps before, well, what’s the nighttime routine. if you wanna have a really good morning routine. Cool. What time are you going to bed? What time of the day? You’re having your last coffee the day before.

are you on your phone or on Netflix or on YouTube for the last hour before bed? Like you, you need to go a couple steps before and if you fix those, it’s easy to get up on time. It’s easy to feel focused and ready to go the next day, if you’re going a couple steps before. yeah. And, just the environment that you’re around.

[00:16:54] Robb Gilbear: So the three of you tight, you’ve known each other for a long time. It’s who are you spending time with? What are they prioritizing? , are [00:17:00] they on like on a routine? Are they structuring their life or are they just Lucy goose kind of going with the flow and your environment?

[00:17:06] Robb Gilbear: Really, it really does make a difference with who you are, because I can tell you if the four of us were hanging out, we did this call every week and we’re hanging out and every time we’re hanging out, if me, Sergio and Matt were always talking about our routines and how much we got done and how we’re increasing our focus, Shit Lee, you’re gonna be like, I gotta step it up. I want to like, it’s this weird tribal thing that you don’t wanna be excluded. So the people that you surround yourself with and them talking about it makes a big difference too. on that thing, the last, yeah, speaking of the people like I just, with my partner, Melissa, like these are non-negotiable hours.

[00:17:37] Robb Gilbear: Like I, I cannot be interrupted. this is a must for me to the point. Like I wish I could take the camera and show you on the back of my laptop. I have this little thing that she bought and it slides like red or green. So if I’m somewhere and even if I’m like in the basement and I’m working on my laptop and she doesn’t know, is he on Reddit or is he writing something important?

[00:17:56] Robb Gilbear: I have this little slider. It’s if it’s on red, it’s do [00:18:00] not disturb. oh. And she knows not to interrupt me. And that was hers because it was so funny. We were getting into fights and there were stupid fights that would turn into bigger fights because she doesn’t know, am I on my laptop wanting to focus?

[00:18:10] Robb Gilbear: Or am I messing her about, she had to have no idea. And then if I was in a focus zone, then I’d get pissed off and then it’s not fair. Cause I’m kind of mad at her. She didn’t know if I was working

[00:18:18] Lee Michael Murphy: that’s

[00:18:19] Sergio Patterson: awesome. I a open, closed sign on my, on the outside of my door. the, like the business signs, but they just ignore it.

[00:18:24] Sergio Patterson: They

[00:18:24] Lee Michael Murphy: don’t yeah, I was gonna say, what if they don’t respect it? they do not respect

need harsher consequences. If they’re not respecting it. This is true. I need, yeah, I need to put some coffee.

you need the light. You need a little electric fence to go along with that, that sinks with the light.

[00:18:38] Lee Michael Murphy: I’ll tease them kids. Right. You’ll keep ’em out. I’m gonna tell him what

[00:18:41] Sergio Patterson: uncle

[00:18:41] Lee Michael Murphy: Lee said.

[00:18:46] Matt McElroy: I was just gonna say one of, one of the things that I think, that Rob kind of mentioned, but I think that we didn’t say. Is that, sleep is a huge point part of it. You’re gonna talk about going to bed early and having that nighttime routine. and I’ve noticed that when I’m more.

[00:18:58] Matt McElroy: Focused and [00:19:00] conscientious on, getting as close to eight hours as I can. I perform better. And when I don’t get that, when I’m struggling and I’m getting four or five hours a night, because I’m just overdoing it, my endurance goes down too there, I mean, as far as my mental endurance, like my mind is mushed by the end of the day , And so I think that’s a, for maintaining focus, I think sleep is such a huge component.

[00:19:17] Robb Gilbear: It can’t overstate that because if you think about all the stuff we’re talking about, how do you do the things that you know, you’re dreading, is important that you feel some resistance against if you’re tired, forget it.

[00:19:27] Robb Gilbear: And diet is another one of those funny things, too. If you won’t wanna be eating clean, eating, healthy, feeling strong, if you’re tired, nah, man, you’re gonna go for grease. You’re gonna go for sugar. You’re gonna go for that quick hit. So sleep really is a big one. I’m glad that you highlighted it, cuz it, it affects everything.

[00:19:41] Robb Gilbear: It really.

[00:19:42] Lee Michael Murphy: So Rob the most important things that we need to do, like those things that are gonna help us, accomplish those big, audacious important goals. do we set those up, at the beginning of the day, at the end of the day, what’s the best way to go about that. So you’re really accomplishing [00:20:00] things that are important.

[00:20:01] Robb Gilbear: What’s working best for me right now is the night before. , I’ve done really great productive streaks where the morning of it was the first thing that I did. But right now I’m in a streak that’s working well. It’s like the night before I’m looking at Hey, these are the two most important things tomorrow.

[00:20:14] Robb Gilbear: And then I’ll even make sure that my laptop is set up optimized for it. Where I’ve got site block. I’ve got a site blocker. Plugin that I use that blocks all the, the places where I can be wasting time. Cause it’s not just the phone. The funny thing is like you find yourself on your phone, okay, I’m gonna put this in another room and then you get on your laptop and then you go waste time on stupid parts of the web.

[00:20:31] Robb Gilbear: So I’ll have my clear on what my first, my two priorities are. I’ll have the site blocker on and then I’ll have Evernote up. Like I’ll have closed everything on my laptop. I closed everything. And Evernote’s the thing that’s open. Cuz Evernotes where I go do, thinking where I do typing, where I’m like I do writing of content or whatever so that when.

[00:20:48] Robb Gilbear: Turn on the beast. The first thing that I end up doing and I’m looking at is the thing that I want. so yeah, the night before , for me, it seems like I’m, I feel like I’m subconsciously kind of thinking about it while I sleep. So I wake up, I’m like, oh yeah, those are my two things today. [00:21:00] And I’m like a little robot, an obedient robot.

[00:21:02] Robb Gilbear: Who’s still waking up and but I’m moving towards that. And the idea from that, actually speaking of habits, James clear author of atomic habits. I’m sure you’ve all heard the book. The book is I don’t know, like five or 10 million crazy copies right now. Like it’s one of those books that’s gonna be talked about for decades.

[00:21:18] Robb Gilbear: I had the good fortune of meeting him briefly in late 2019. He came to talk at the university here. The book was doing well selling well, but I don’t think he’d cracked a million copies yet. Like it wasn’t at the level of insanity in an now where it seems like everyone and their mother knows about it and it was super cool.

[00:21:35] Robb Gilbear: And. Amazing. Do you hear him talk about his own structure? And there was two things that really stood at one is that every Monday, his assistant changes his passwords to all the social media sites. And he does not have access for the week and he gets access again on Friday. If he’s done the things that he said he wanted to do that week.

[00:21:54] Robb Gilbear: Wow. One and two, this like guy spent a decade [00:22:00] researching habits, writing mode habits, thinking about habits, working on this book,habits, guru, if you will, like really like top dog in the world of habits. And he talked openly about how. His day can be made or ruined based on what he does.

[00:22:12] Robb Gilbear: First thing in the morning, he’s it’s either I open my laptop, I get an Evernote and I’m starting to write on stuff. Maybe working on a blog, I’m writing on a chapter book or whatever, if I do that, there’s like this positive cascading domino effect for how the rest of my day goes. And I feel good cause I did work.

[00:22:24] Robb Gilbear: So I do more stuff. And then I’m feeling, and then or he’s I open my laptop and I go on ESPN. And then if I do that, if I’m doing on ESPN at six 15 in the morning, my whole day’s fucked. He’s it’s it like, it’s all day, I’m chasing my own tail, trying to get caught up and feeling bad because I knew I wasted the morning and I’m not really getting anything done and I’m da.

[00:22:41] Robb Gilbear: And he’s and he’s, he knows all the stuff. So he really regulates his environment to serve him because he knows the difference. If, whether it’s ESPN or Evernote, like it’ll make or break his day.

[00:22:51] Lee Michael Murphy: That’s fantastic. I love how you use the passwords change. Yeah, that’s a really good

[00:22:55] Matt McElroy: one.

[00:22:55] Sergio Patterson: Rob, the other thing I was thinking about in terms of distractions are kind of like [00:23:00] the, outside of the everyday life distractions, like the what’s going on in the world and how sometimes like, yeah, I know you’re in Canada.

[00:23:07] Sergio Patterson: It’s probably not as big of a shit show there as it is here. but there’s so much going on around us. Like how do you try to like, Block some of that stuff out so that you can, or maybe you let it in. I don’t know, for me, I feel like it’s every day there’s something new going on and letting that kind of impact my day to day.

what are your thoughts there? I don’t know if that question makes sense, but it

[00:23:26] Robb Gilbear: makes so much sense. And it’s, and I understand it and it’s funny, like I’m in Canada, so I’m sheltered, right? Like we have a different government or I’m a different country. Like there is a difference. However, a lot of your media makes its way here.

[00:23:39] Robb Gilbear: Because you’re the biggest media producer in the world. And two, a bunch of my clients are in the us. So the last month, six weeks, I’ve had some really difficult calls with clients who are like trying to work on stuff in their business, but they’re sad. There’s someone’s I’ve just been crying all day.

[00:23:52] Robb Gilbear: I don’t know how to look myself in the mirror and be proud that I’m here because they’re struggling with some of these things that are going on with the violence or what’s going on in the Supreme court or whatever. [00:24:00] People are struggling.

[00:24:01] Robb Gilbear: So even though I’m a bit sheltered, I’m not fully removed from it. there’s two things. One. It’s just the realization and full acceptance that all of it, all of the news, it’s got one goal and it’s to make us feel upset and to make us emotional and to make us pissed off and to make us distracted.

[00:24:19] Robb Gilbear: And as long as we’re in those states of mind and states of energy, then we’re not doing anything productive. We’re not asking bigger questions. We’re not demanding more from those who are in power. So realizing that it is the most rigged game, as far as them just. Piss you off anger, you distract you. And then I just, I dial it down.

you want to know what’s going on. You don’t wanna be a complete hermit but how many minutes or hours do you need a day or a week on news sites? How much time do you need to consume that? and just, it’s a spectrum it’s not on or off. Like I’m not gonna be completely insular, but I think I’m okay if I check new sites like once a week or twice a week for a short period of time.

[00:24:56] Sergio Patterson: I like that smart. Yeah. You just gotta turn it off. Turn the CNN [00:25:00] and then all the other ones off.

[00:25:02] Robb Gilbear: Look how quick they went from COVID fear to the Ukraine war. And like I’m vaccinated. I’m like, I believe in science, but it was wild to me how quick it was like COVID death. COVID was like, woo.

[00:25:12] Robb Gilbear: Oh, we got someone new. Bring Ukraine war to the stage. Oh, death. And that’s terrible too. Like I know someone who lost their, lost their condo, lost their livelihood. I know people in Ukraine, like I have friends there it’s terrible. What’s going on there, but also, do you need to have the CNN stream on 24 7 with the body count with the death toll, with the fear mongering with the come on.

[00:25:35] Robb Gilbear: It’s a lot, like it’s drain.

[00:25:38] Lee Michael Murphy: Rob, thank you so much for these tips, on the focus, we’re gonna shift gears now and talk about the confidence. Like I was telling you in the beginning,there’s people have different levels of confidence. I mean, I, Matt he’s thank you for being vulnerable, but that tattoo on your ribcage of the beach scene and the Hummer.

I, you just feel like a man of great confidence, but thank you for being vulnerable with us, either that, or

[00:25:57] Matt McElroy: I’m overcompensating,

[00:25:58] Robb Gilbear: right? [00:26:00] I never thought about it like that.

[00:26:01] Lee Michael Murphy: But getting that confidence, Rob, like, how do we get that? if we might be struggling with it, like Matt made a great point in the beginning of his career, he’s with all these really like successful attorneys, in, in the parking garage with my old terrible car.

[00:26:15] Lee Michael Murphy: And, it’s tough sometimes for a lot of people, gain that confidence, whether they’re entering a new, field or maybe they’ve been in it for years, you hear about people that still struggle. So what’s your tips for that?

[00:26:24] Robb Gilbear: There’s two paths to go at that. And the first one is just acknowledging, realizing, and accepting that you’re supposed to suck when you’re starting something new and you’re new at something, and you’re doing something for the first few times.

[00:26:36] Robb Gilbear: You’re supposed to be crappy at it. That is normal. That is expected. And once you. Accept that then that can relieve some of the pressure. And the other piece is that, I love that Matt gave this example because the other part of it, it comes down to comparison. It comes down to worrying about what other people are gonna think, and it worries about the judgment of others.

[00:26:52] Robb Gilbear: And that’s where we always fall into the worst traps is cuz whether it’s. In the office comparing to someone else who’s got 20 years more experience in the parking lot [00:27:00] or on Instagram where it’s like, comparison, hell hole all the time. So if you realize that, then it’s okay, well, what can you do to dial down the impact of the comparison?

[00:27:08] Robb Gilbear: And it comes down to being really clear on who the heck you are, like, what is really important to you? What are your values when push comes to shov? When, like it hits the fan, what is truly important to you? Is it family? Is it, is it empathy? Is it your health? The values sometimes I think people think about, some corporation has got some five words engraved on the wall.

[00:27:27] Robb Gilbear: No one knows what they mean or why they’re there or who chose them. But to you, what are your actual values? What are your principles? Cuz then you can use that as a compass for your life. Two. Do you like yourself? Do you, can you look in the mirror and say I like this person, any Holly, I even love this person.

[00:27:44] Robb Gilbear: Can you accept yourself for who you are? Even when you are 20 pounds heavier than you wish you were, even when your hair is falling out and you don’t have the useful youthful curls that you have when you’re younger, do you like and love who you are as a human. And then the last part is building actual trust with yourself.

[00:27:59] Robb Gilbear: It means [00:28:00] keeping your word. It means, if you say you’re gonna do something you deliver, if it means if you’re gonna be there for someone you’re gonna be there for someone, it means that if you say you mean it because if you dial that in this. Knowing who the heck you are, what’s really important to you liking who you are and having this yeah, I know.

[00:28:16] Robb Gilbear: I like myself. It doesn’t matter if I’m skinnier or fatter of my hair or whatever. Like I, I like who I am and I forgive myself for my past mistakes and I accept that I’m doing the best that I can. And if you are keeping your word to yourself and you’re keeping your promises to yourself, it’s really hard for someone else to come in and mess.

[00:28:31] Robb Gilbear: It’s really hard to fall into that comparison trap. It’s really hard to care too much about what other people think, cuz you’ve got that dialed in internally and that’s way more powerful than a shiny new car or a six pack or a hot girlfriend on your arm. Or like whatever, all those external things that we chase that we think are gonna make us feel more confident.

[00:28:48] Robb Gilbear: That’s really great advice.

[00:28:49] Robb Gilbear: You just

[00:28:49] Matt McElroy: really gotta believe in yourself

[00:28:50] Robb Gilbear: pretty much. Right. And then trust that, Gonna be able to do. Okay. No matter what and, just trust your instincts, but working at it, it’s that’s it right? cuz like believe in yourself, well that sounds really simple, but you’re [00:29:00] right.

[00:29:00] Robb Gilbear: But then I’m like, how do I do it? Well then, well, who is myself? what’s really important to me, cuz I can tell you there’s some people that really value creativity and there’s other people that really value efficiency neither is right or wrong, but they’re really different. And if creativity is really important to you and efficiency is really important to someone else, like you’re different people, like who are you like, is family really important to you?

[00:29:20] Robb Gilbear: Cool. Get clear on it, then act like it. Then make time for your family. Then actually call your mom. Then actually sit down and spend time on the floor with your kids and play with them and get into the world. Like figuring out who the hell you are. And then, yeah, like we all have hangups. We all have, I wish I didn’t say that awkward thing 15 years ago.

[00:29:36] Robb Gilbear: And I was a bit of an asshole to that person, that relationship, and ah, I’m carrying this baggage with my dad. Like figure that stuff out, sort that stuff out. Because it’s way easier to believe in yourself if you’re doing that stuff. And then just keeping promises, we’ve all done it, we set a goal.

[00:29:51] Robb Gilbear: I’m gonna, I’m gonna lose weight. I’m gonna go to the gym. I’m gonna do whatever. those are the ones that come to mind, but we’ll have some version of, I’m gonna start getting up at a certain [00:30:00] time, but start making small promises to yourself and keeping the promises to yourself. Cuz then you, you’re creating this inner trust with yourself and yeah, you do these things and you take the little steps towards.

[00:30:10] Robb Gilbear: Then it’s okay. It’s okay. If someone like judges, you it’s okay. If someone laughs at your car, cuz you’ve got it dialed in internally, this it’s hard to mess with.

[00:30:18] Lee Michael Murphy: That’s such great advice. Yeah. I didn’t really realize that before, but I think,for me, I’m thinking about people that I know that, just.

[00:30:27] Lee Michael Murphy: Throughout the years, they fall on hard times and they blame it on all these external factors like this happened. And granted like anytime, a close friend or someone I know is on hard times, or they feel like luck isn’t on their side. I always sympathize.

[00:30:40] Lee Michael Murphy: I feel terrible for them. But then I feel that now that you’ve mentioned this, there’s a common thread with a lot of these people and they don’t make, they don’t uphold the promises to themselves. They’re constantly breaking their own promise. I mean, I don’t know if you guys have realized that, but I just know a lot of people that seem to not be able to uphold the promises and then [00:31:00] it ends up spiraling and then they just feel like I’m a worthless piece of crap.

and everyone’s entitle to feel like that at some point, but maybe some that aren’t able to do what Rob’s saying, hit it more frequently and it hits a little bit hard.

[00:31:12] Robb Gilbear: It’s great point, cuz it’s true because if we all can have those ups and downs, life’s gonna throw us a curve ball. There’s no pretending that there’s not gonna be difficult periods.

[00:31:19] Robb Gilbear: Someone’s gonna get in a car accident. Someone’s gonna pass away the, a client’s gonna leave you’re gonna lose a job. Like the, of course, like that’s life, but then how you react, how quickly you bounce back, your ability to bounce back is way harder if you’re just never keeping any promises to yourself.

[00:31:34] Robb Gilbear: And you’re never doing the things, the little things that you say you’re gonna do.

[00:31:36] Sergio Patterson: You mentioned comparison. I was thinking, how big of an impact social media has had on people’s confidence? I just, I don’t even care anymore. I’m old now, but I think a lot of people are scrolling, right?

[00:31:46] Sergio Patterson: And they’re like, oh, this person’s in Europe or this person has a shiny new car. And I think that is really something that. Is impacting mental health, confidence, all the things, because it’s they’re only showing their best part of their lives. Yep. Right. when there’s all [00:32:00] kinds of shit going wrong behind the scenes,

[00:32:03] Robb Gilbear: that’s this is so true.

the highlight real thing. Right. And we’re all guilty of it. We’re doing something cool or fun or we’re so we’d share the thing, but. It’s all highlight real. So it is hard. And the more time you spend scrolling, the more likely you are to be comparing, even if you don’t even realize it like subconsciously, right.

[00:32:20] Robb Gilbear: It’s not like you’re sometimes you’d be like, oh damn, they’re in Europe. I’m not, but a lot of the times it’s subconscious. We don’t even realize it. and it’s just it’s chipping away at you. What’s helped me so much is I’m grateful from the work that I do and the kind of people that trust me and.

[00:32:34] Robb Gilbear: I’m working with clients that are super successful people that are multi-millionaires people that are at the top of their game, in different fields. People that, have achieved a level of success that I didn’t even know was previously possible. And the more I am running in these different circles, I’m working with people trust me.

[00:32:46] Robb Gilbear: And then I hear what’s really going on. I see what’s posted on online and then. I hear what’s really going on in their personal life. I know what they’re really stressed about. Like I know the nitty gritty and seeing that behind the curtains view is, has helped [00:33:00] me a whole lot to be able to.

[00:33:01] Robb Gilbear: So we’re looking at Instagram or wherever I’m like, yeah, this is just a show.

[00:33:06] Lee Michael Murphy: Rob, can you give us a bit about your book, your bestselling author? we kind of didn’t highlight that really as much as we should have, but man, you can write you people like what you write. So why don’t you tell us about your.

[00:33:16] Robb Gilbear: Awesome. Glad to, so yeah, you mentioned the title, which it was like, Ooh, that’s interesting. It’s called die before they do from selling drugs to lunch with Jim Carey stories of struggle near death experiences and creating a life with meaning. So writing a book was something that I wanted to do for a long time.

[00:33:33] Robb Gilbear: Like many people, something was like, kind of on my goals list. And I thought about it. I wanted to, and then last year I got serious. It was like one of the three sticky notes I put on the wall for the year. Like I really wanna write a book this year started speaking to. Book coaches start speaking to other authors, start speaking so many people.

[00:33:47] Robb Gilbear: And the good advice I got from multiple people was, Hey, Rob, you’ve got programs. Hey Rob, you’ve got these coaching things like, just take one of your programs, put it into a book. Most of it is written already. And it’ll be this great thing for the [00:34:00] top of funnel of your business. As far as attracting new clients, it’s done.

[00:34:03] Robb Gilbear: And I got the advice from multiple people and I tried that for a minute. I tried and I sat down. But it was draining. I was forcing myself. It really felt, it felt like punishment. It felt like homework. I wasn’t enjoying it at all. And then around the same time, my partner Melissa was pointing out that whenever I share stories with some of my personal struggles and trials and tribulations online, that really connects with people.

[00:34:25] Robb Gilbear: And then I thought about, huh, that’s right. Because I think with the DMS I get from people thanking me about talking publicly about my struggles with mental health and suicide, about my challenges with alcohol before and how that really. Made other people feel connected and feel human. So I sat and realized like, huh, what if it was a collection of short stories?

[00:34:42] Robb Gilbear: So I never set out to write kind of an autobiography, but it’s kind of what it turned out to as far as like my life so far. And it’s a collection of stories of all these crazy things I’ve done and places I’ve gone and things I’ve learned. And that’s the premise of the book and it’s awesome. It’s got a whole bunch of five star reviews and it’s been sold in, I don’t know, like [00:35:00] 11 or 12 different countries and.

[00:35:01] Robb Gilbear: It feels good because people tell me they enjoy reading it. When they pick it up, they can’t put it down and people share all sorts of ways that it’s helped them in their personal lives and their businesses and their relationships. and it feels good to have it out. There’s so much so that I said to my partner, when it was done and I was getting the feedback from people, I was like, I could die happy now.

I don’t want to, I wanna spend more hours talking with her, laughing with her. I wanna see more sunsets. I wanna see my kids get older. I wanna explore the world or whatever, but I was like, I could die happy now because I knew that I put something up there that was making a difference.

[00:35:31] Lee Michael Murphy: That’s amazing.

[00:35:32] Lee Michael Murphy: It gave you that much of a sense of

[00:35:33] Robb Gilbear: fulfillment. Yeah, it really did.

[00:35:36] Lee Michael Murphy: Fantastic. how can people search you out, Rob, if they wanna learn more about you and get in contact

[00:35:40] Robb Gilbear: with. So, if you want to search me out, if you look up my name, it’s Rob with two bees, R O B, and then G I L B E a R of all the online places, the place that I spend the most time that I love the most that I’m most grateful for is LinkedIn.

[00:35:53] Robb Gilbear: LinkedIn really is my primary online hang, but I am a little bit on Instagram at other places, but yeah, if you’ve [00:36:00] searched my name online, you’ll find my book. You’ll find other things. You’ll find stuff on YouTube, et cetera, but LinkedIn’s my main current main online.

[00:36:07] Lee Michael Murphy: Amazing. Rob, thank you so much for coming on our show today, bud.

[00:36:11] Lee Michael Murphy: We love all the advice that you’ve given us. I had so many aha moments today. I know the guys, you guys too. What’d you guys feel? Yeah.

[00:36:19] Robb Gilbear: Great content. No doubt. Thank you. It’s cool. It’s cool that the three of you have been friends for so long and that you all have different skill sets and you’re all working together to be able to obviously help each other, but obviously your listeners and all the people who tune to the show that you’re bringing all your strengths together to help people, which is really cool.

[00:36:35] Robb Gilbear: Thank you, man. We appreciate

[00:36:36] Lee Michael Murphy: it. Thank you. You’ve been listening to the free retiree show so long for now.