Aligning Your Values & Goals to Design Your Dream Life

Career Advancement Edition

Figuring out what you want in life is hard. It’s even harder when you don’t know where to start. Across America, 45 percent of workers say they are either satisfied or extremely satisfied with their jobs. Only 20 percent feel very passionate about their jobs. 33 percent believe they have reached a dead-end in their career. 21 percent are eager to change careers.

They say to achieve your dream life and career, you should align your values and goals to work in a field you’re passionate about. But how do you do it?

Alignment is the bridge between where you are and where you want to be. It’s the process of creating congruence between your internal beliefs and your external behaviors. When your values, goals, and actions are aligned, you’ll experience a sense of certainty and confidence that will help propel you toward your dreams.

By discovering and living your values, you give yourself a roadmap for creating the life you want. Values-based living means that everything in your life, from the big things like relationships and career to the small things like how you spend your free time, is aligned with who you are at your core.

Kimberly Spencer is an award-winning high-performance coach and trainer. She’s the founder and CEO of Crown Yourself, and she’s been on NPR, CNBC, Forbes, as well as a TEDx speaker.

Join us as Kim shares her experience of pivoting career roles in search of her true passion and how she aligns her values and goals to design her dream life. With hosts, wealth manager Lee Michael Murphy, career advisor Sergio Patterson, and attorney Matthew McElroy tune in to this week’s episode of The Free Retiree Show.

Lee Michael Murphy: [00:00:00] Welcome in to the free retirees show. I’m your host wealth manager, Lee Michael Murphy, alongside my pal, the king of LinkedIn, Sergio Patterson.

What is up everyone.

Today, we’re bringing you a career advancement edition of our podcast. And for today’s topic, we’ll be discussing one of the most important parts of creating a successful career. Where are your values and how do they steer the trajectory of your life? So what are values,values represent who you are, your priorities, the ideal life you want to live in.

Ultimately. They help you measure what a successful life it means to you. So Serge, I know a fresh from our relationship and everything you’ve been through you, there’s not a lot of great things I can say about you, but you are someone that goes in rolls with their values. Give us a little, give listeners a little bit about, how you’ve looked at that in your career and the importance of values.

Sergio Patterson: Yeah. I appreciate the backhanded compliment. I think that’s what. yeah, no values are huge. I think earlier in my career, when I was a little bit younger, a [00:01:00] big part of my moves, like in the career was around brand name companies. So like big brand name tech companies, and then as I’ve gotten older, it’s been more important about aligning my values, and goals to the company I’m working at.

So making sure the company has like a mission that I care about. the people have compassion. All those things are more important. and I think we’re seeing that across so valley, and those like unicorn companies, like Facebook’s at all, all those around the world are like, it’s not all like smiles and rainbows anymore.

So I think that’s what we’re seeing across.

Lee Michael Murphy: Yeah. And for you, you remember you had issues with Facebook at one point in time, and you said, right now, it’s not all aligned for what I want and so good for you for always being that way. so to help us today in the discussion, we have a wonderful expert named Kimberly Spencer.

She’s gonna be our expert guest today, and she is an award-winning high performance coach and trainer. She’s the founder and CEO of crown yourself. She’s also written Amazon best-selling book called the start, the journey to entrepreneurship. She’s [00:02:00] even, co-wrote a 2012 movie called bro, which starred Sergio one of our favorite actors, Danny Trejo.

It was bought by lion gate and she also competed, Ms. California USA and won, Miss Congeniality. Great background. And she’s been on NPR, CNBC, Forbes, and she’s been a Ted speaker. So this is going to be a great one. this whole thing about, the money versus the values. How does that play out?

Lee Michael Murphy: What things we need to consider and,how does that shape the history and trajectory of our lives? So, we’re going to take a quick break, but when we are back, we’re going to be sitting down with Kimberly Spencer’s. 3, 2 1. Welcome back in the food siree show. We are sitting down with Kimberly Spencer, Kimberly, how are you doing this morning?

Kimberly Spencer: I’m doing amazing. It is a beautiful and slightly chilly morning in Los Angeles. So it’s good to be back here on in this.

Lee Michael Murphy: Yeah. So you spent some time in Australia, right? Mate? I

Kimberly Spencer: did, mate. [00:03:00] Yeah. We got, conveniently stuck there for two years. I, my husband and I joke that it was stuck by choice because our, one of our visions for our life had always been to raise our kids abroad and we figured what better time to deliver a dream than a global pandemic.

So we, we stayed and we thought, well, how long could this really last two years later we had. A couple of years, and then due to some personal circumstances, we decided it was time to come home. And so now we’re back and happy to be. It was wonderful experience in both sides.

Sergio Patterson: Yeah. I’ve heard good things about.

like really good things, beaches. Everything’s awesome. Right?

Kimberly Spencer: Oh, the beaches are amazing. We lived two blocks from the beach and it was just our daily beach walks work at Beck and it was so fun to, to have we, it was, so it was so great that we decided to have another baby while we were over there. Just because, talking about values, family is obviously a big one for me.

Sergio Patterson: Yeah. You’re in the thick of it. Right. You have a four year old,

Kimberly Spencer: right. Four, seven.

Lee Michael Murphy: Well, Kimberly, why don’t you give [00:04:00] us a little bit about your backstory. You’ve been a successful entrepreneur. I’ve read your bio on what you’ve gone through, but once you give the listeners a little bit about, your journey and how you came to this point in your life, or you had to decide know, am I going to go for the money or am I gonna go for the values and how that place.

Kimberly Spencer: As you could tell from my bio it’s quite diverse and what I’ve always chased was never the money I always have had this deep intrinsic belief that I will make money in whatever role life am in. because I do give a hundred. But I chased fulfillment. And initially I thought thatthat would be in Hollywood.

I grew up in Los Angeles. So I thought thatthat would be where I would really thrive. And I want it to be the female Clint Eastwood, writing, directing, and starring in your own films. And I got the opportunity to write the first feature film called bro. I co-wrote it with the director and it came out and I was at the premiere and I was only 90% fulfilled. [00:05:00] And instead of getting judgemental about it, I was like, well, this is interesting. Like this is lifelong dream. My name’s they’re up on the big screen and just had gotten bought by Lionsgate and it was going to be on Netflix. I wasn’t a hundred percent fulfilled. I thought that I would like, I would have arrived in essence.

And it wasn’t until two weeks later that I found out that a friend of a friend, who had given tickets to, for her and her son to come to the film that I got a message from my friend. I just want to let you know that film changed her son’s life. And I was like, what really like, but the kid was following the similar path of the main character and the main character.

This whole story is about a young kid who basically wants to fit in with the cool crowd, which is a crowd of high-flying hard partying, motocross riders. And the kid was following the same trajectory, not with the motocross, but just with the he’d started to. Do those things that we all have done of trying to fit in.

And there’s a big difference between [00:06:00] fitting in and belonging. And I didn’t feel like I’m a hundred percent fit in with the Hollywood crowd and to supplement my career in Hollywood, I was teaching. Claudia is on the side. I went off and started my own private palati studio. And then from that background, I followed my curiosity into an e-commerce company where I was brought on initially to be a consultant for a back stretching device.

It was being brought to market. And then , I saw the product and I saw the value of it. I saw how beneficial it could be to the Pilates world and that the fitness world that I’d been a part of. And so I said, like, I don’t just want to be a consultant. I want to be a partner. And it was through those two years of being a part of that e-commerce company and that startup that I was really exposed to the world of values. It was two years in the school of hard knocks. So my business partner was a great man. but we just had different values of how a business should be run and differing perceptions.

And a lot of times when you start a business, and especially when you start a partnership, you’re starting it out based on passion, just like any relationship, like you start with like the [00:07:00] passion and you’re hot and heavy for the product and excited for what you’re bringing to the table.

And then eventually as you face more and more challenge, Which you will, that’s when decisions start to be made based on your values. And if the leadership team is not in alignment with the values, that’s when you start to get some friction going. And so it ended up, three months before I was supposed to get married to my husband.

My business partner said he wanted to buy me out. We were in negotiations for three months. We signed the buyout deal three weeks before I got married. I flew off to Italy on my honeymoon with my husband and I was. Yeah, because I’d had all these different passions of fitness and the body and relationships and entrepreneurship, and I’d been in pageants.

I’d always had a love for crowns and all things, girly and sparkly. and I had probably had way too many espressos and I leaped off the couch and I said, Crown Yourself. And my husband’s like, what’s that? And it’s the, I don’t know, it’s the name of my company. And I said, it’s like a holistic coaching guidance thing. I didn’t have clarity [00:08:00] on what it was. And so, because of my lack of clarity and because of also the deep intrinsic beliefs of the fears that had been brought to light by professionals.

Kimberly Spencer: So I never been doubtful of my career in the past. I never doubted my skill set or my ability. I’d done that with my body and I’d done that in really in personal relationships.

But when it came to my career, I was always on. I was always raising my hand. I was always leaning in, I was always putting my, like, stepping forward with suggestions and solutions and I was always audacious with my request when I wanted something. I would just go for it. But because of the three months of going through that, that initial of the.

That really allowed me to have all the fears that had been brought to light and other parts that I’d healed of other forms of from my body and my relationship and my personal relationship. The fears suddenly came to light with these professionals, lawyers [00:09:00] who don’t always send you the nicest emails.

And so all the beliefs of not being enough are hated, are a hated attorney. That’s on our podcast is

Sergio Patterson: not here. Today is our co our third coast. He’s not here. We don’t like

Lee Michael Murphy: them though, the attorney, but yeah. Continue

Kimberly Spencer: lawyers are great when they’re on your side, when they’re not, they send you like warm fuzzies.

And the experience that I had really put doubt into my mind, if I was capable, if I was too girly, too feminine too, would be taken seriously. And I had all these doubts, especially because my company was called crown. About it. And so for a year and a half, I made no money in my business and I was constantly putting money into branding and into marketing, but I wasn’t actually selling anything.

And it wasn’t until I found out that I was pregnant, that I was like, What am I doing? Like I have a very expensive hobby. And so that was when I shifted, I got a coach. I got certified in NLP timeline therapy and [00:10:00] hypnosis. I knew that the problem was a mindset problem in a leadership problem on my part of my own personal development, sorted that out started making money within three months and we started making sales.

I have just grown from there over the past five years. And it’s been such a blessing to coach the leaders and entrepreneurs that have been able to work with over the past five years. It’s been amazing.

Lee Michael Murphy: Yeah.

Sergio Patterson: I’m curious. So that was a great story. I’m really happy. You’ve shared, in terms of like your journey to fulfillment, right?

I think a lot of young people, even myself included, I’m not young anymore. We think it’s like this, we have to be fulfilled right away, or we know what that’s going to be right away. But it sounds like your journey was like twists and turns, ups and downs. Like, can you talk to us just about like, explaining to people that like it’s not right away and it’s okay to not know because I’m 36 and I don’t know if Silicon valley is where

Lee Michael Murphy: I want to be for.

Sergio Patterson: Yeah. So like, can you just talk a little, I don’t know if that question makes sense.

Kimberly Spencer: It [00:11:00] does. It does. And I personally think Sergio that you are incredibly young given that it’s, we’re probably going to be living till 120, 150 in our generation. So. We’re only a fourth of the way through life, at least. and I think that when that question of fulfillment comes through so often, like for me, it was following my curiosity.

So often we box ourselves into, this is what I studied for. This is what I went to college for. This is what I got my master’s in. This is what I got my PhD. And this is what I succeeded at. This is what I set out to do. And then when we do that thing, you achieve that. A lot of times that thing is from other people’s expectations and the plagiarized programming of society of what we think we quote unquote should do versus what it is that really ignites our soul, what it is that we’re really doing.

The other piece of that is as sometimes it’s not in the exact form that you think it will be in. So I said in my [00:12:00] story that I wanted to be like the female Clint Eastwood writing, directing, producing my own show. Well, in essence, that’s what I do as an entrepreneur, I get to be the lead. Who’s going on podcasts.

Who’s showing up on our YouTube channel, who is, in the front as the persona. Who’s writing the content who is directing my team, directing the picture. If you’re an entrepreneur and you’re, self-funding your own business, then you’re the producer. And you’re the executive producer. I’m getting to exactly what I wanted to do.

It’s just not in the medium or in the industry that I thought it would be in, but it came from me being able to surrender what it is that I actually want to do. I had to surrender the form in which I thought it would be delivered. So, so often we think that, like I had one client who wanted to be a scientist and she loves science.

She wanted to go into the medical field. You wanted to be a doctor and. Which she really loved was the personal relationships she loved and the personal relationships and examining the data. So now she takes [00:13:00] the skillset of what she thought she wanted to be and applies it into a completely different form of operations manager.

Where she’s getting to look and chart the data and track that data, and also have that interaction with people and growing a team and supporting them. It’s not in the same field, but she’s getting to work a similar skillset that she’s intrinsically good at. And so for me, I’m in the business of transforming people’s stories about what’s possible for their business and for their holistic success and fulfillment.

Because a lot of times we are trapped in this plagiarized programming. you can’t have it all or, you can’t have work like work-life balance. And I just, I, that all that is just a belief and every belief was adopted from somebody else or some other person. And there are some people with different beliefs.

And so if you don’t like the results that you’re currently having, I invite you to get curious about what beliefs are causing you to have those results, [00:14:00] because you can change your beliefs.

Lee Michael Murphy: Yeah, and I love that. so the plagiarized programming, how do we get past that? So a lot of us, we get into these jobs just because out of desperation, trying to make money and then you wake up one day and you realize, man, I’m just fricking miserable.

I don’t like this. This is not what I was meant to do. So how do you change it? how do you rewrite your programming?

Kimberly Spencer: So the first type is really becoming aware, like the hardest space to move from doesn’t feel the hardest, but it really is. The hardest gap is to move from the first stage of learning, which is unconscious and.

Where you don’t know what you don’t know, and you don’t know that you don’t know it. So you think, you know it all and that’s the space where there is no awareness. There is no awareness that you’re not satisfied. There is no awareness that you’re not feeling fulfilled. That’s when we’re shoving the feelings down of like, oh, I should be feeling happy though.

So I’m just going to keep going and doing what I’m doing until that moment when either your external circumstances or your internal [00:15:00] circumstances are like, I cannot deal with it. I cannot put up with this a day longer. And that’s when we come. The second stage of learning, which is conscious incompetence where we don’t know what we don’t know.

Well, we know we don’t know what we don’t know, but we don’t know what to know instead. And so that’s when we go into the search and that’s when we go into making mistakes. And that’s sometimes when he, when we go into judgment as well. And judging that we should know where we’re supposed to go because for many of us who went into specific careers with the ambition to make money, and that we thought this was the path I’ve seen this with, especially with my boomer clients in gen X clients, they thought that this was the path to make them successful and fulfilled.

And then they get there and they’re like, this is not at all what I expected, what I wanted. And they are in that search and it feels very uncomfortable. And so the first step is really getting, allowing yourself the permission to be uncomfortable with the [00:16:00] discomfort and allow for the exploration and discovery of what is it that you like of what really isn’t that is that you like about your.

Because I’m sure it’s not everything that you hate, but what are the specific things? What do you do when do you feel like those moments when you’re operating in what I call your Dr. Hendricks calls the, your zone of genius, those moments where you’re in that space, where you feel like you’re thriving.

And I’ve seen just from having coach leaders and entrepreneurs and founders for the past five years. More income. A company makes more income when their leadership and their team is thriving in each of their particular zones of genius. We all have different zones of genius that are those things that you could do for free.

There are those things that you just naturally do really well. and you think, well, everybody thinks like this and they don’t, or everybody processes like this and they don’t. And so finding those spaces where you [00:17:00] feel ease, where you feel excited, where you feel lit up and then seeing, what is it about that skillset that does that, is it because you’re interacting with people?

Is it because you are getting to analyze data? Is it because you get to create, rules and processes? Does it because you get to break things down from like the big picture view into like small little chunks and then processing. As I say, or is it because you get to have that freedom and you’re seeking that, that thrill and the excitement of starting businesses and then selling them, like one of my clients who w he thought he was a failure and struggled with this, like, balance of the failures that he’d had in business and the successes that he’s had.

And he had a very impressive resume and. Yet because of losses and sales, he didn’t realize that one of his biggest passions was he loved that the excitement of, of a startup like that was his dad that was totally as jam. And he loved the thrill of it. And he loved riding that rollercoaster, [00:18:00] but he never gave himself permission to fully be on the rollercoaster to allow for those dips that happen in coasters to allow.

Failures and the blow ups and things, but he loved getting things started. He loved being on that ride and that was his passion. That was one of the things that he was really good at is he could take a company on a really exciting ride and. and ha and turn it into like some epic successes, but he was also very comfortable with taking risks.

And so it comes into looking at what, and so that goes back to your values. What is it that you value about your job? What is it that you like? What is it that you don’t like? And so once to become aware and get curious, it’s about asking questions asking better questions. So often when we get stuck, we’re asking the question, why and why is a great crash question?

Simon Sinek talks about, start with why in his book. That’s titled that and his Ted talk is epic on starting with why. And he lists the companies like apple and big tech companies it’s to start with that why and that purpose and that vision. And that is [00:19:00] when, why is a completely appropriate question.

Is when you are focusing on purpose and vision, but if you’re like, why do I always feel this way? Why does my job suck? why do I feel completely unfulfilled? Well, what your subconscious mind will go on to is it’ll go onto a hunt to find those answers as to exactly why. So it’ll give you the reasons, the excuses self-limiting beliefs, the stories that you’ve made up about that thing that you did, 10 years ago, that’s still kind of haunting you with guilt and shame.

And so it’ll go and give you all the reasons exactly what. So we just have to ask better questions when we feel like we’re in that bit of a pickle, or when we feel like we’re stuck and unfulfilled of like, what is it that really does fulfill me? What is it that I can explore that does fulfill me? What at least makes me feel?

Not that bad, at least because when I work with people who have experienced lots of trauma, whether from workplace situations or from childhood, sometimes feeling good is like this foreign thing. So they don’t even know what fulfills them. They know that. Certain things may not feel [00:20:00] that bad. And so I say, follow that rabbit hole, follow that, and see where that leads.

What does at least not feeling that bad feel like, and follow allow yourself to get curious and ask those questions of how could I feel more fulfilled in this position? What is it that I need to be doing? what is it that I really enjoy about this? What is it that I don’t and being really honest with you.

Sergio Patterson: Yeah, we were. That’s great. We were talking about the great resignation, I think before we started recording. And I think what I’m hearing from you right now is in a way it’s not about you have to leave the place you’re at, but maybe at least spend the time trying to understand the why I think you mentioned, and then like, what are the activities within my job that can be that gives me energy. Is that, what am I hearing that? Right? Like, is that kind of the approach you would take in this environment we’re in right now?

Kimberly Spencer: Yeah, because people have, so starting with that wine, getting curious, removing the judgment and being able to have that curiosity, because [00:21:00] sometimes the why of why you’re doing a job that you hate is because you want to support your family.

And that’s really the ultimate. Why. And so you care more about the why of providing, Education for your children and being able to give them things then that can really be the why. And then that question, exploring that question. Well, what else could I do that could allow for additional streams of income that could support them so that I don’t have to be doing a job that sucks my soul.

Like, I’m not saying immediately. Quit your job at all. If it feels out of alignment for your values, because, especially if you have a family, but allowing yourself to get curious, because maybe it’s move. It’s not necessarily moving up the ladder. Maybe it’s moving, diagonally or in a different direction where you move into a different team or you move into a different role or you move sideways.

Maybe it’s not necessarily. Maybe it’s not necessarily the company, but it’s the fact that you want to have more time with your kids. [00:22:00] And so it’s not, you love the company’s values, but certain things have practices that aren’t aligning. So maybe that means that you need to lean into having a courageous conversation with your boss.

Say, You need a little extra time offer. You need to leave work earlier. So, and you, or maybe have a day or two working remotely. So you can work from home, but just by ask, by gaining awareness about what are those values that truly means something to you. And you’ll know this by what makes you angry?

What makes you sad? What makes you feel shame? What makes you feel guilty? Our emotions can be our greatest teachers and allowing for. Giving ourselves permission to recognize those emotions as not being good or bad, or putting some sort of label on them, but allowing them to be like a package. So when an emotion comes up, I like to think of it.

Like Amazon is delivering a package to you and you have to sign for it. Otherwise you have a backlog of packages that eventually you have to get a U haul for. And that’s when we have like the that’s when we [00:23:00] tend to become more reactionary, because suddenly there’s like this whole drama of this big chaos versus if you just signed for the package in the first place, it wouldn’t have been that big a deal.

so signing for the package of. Inside of that box of the emotion, there’s a nugget of wisdom of what it is that you actually value. So if you ask yourself, why am I frustrated at this position? What is it specifically that’s bothering me about being in this role? What is it about the company? What is it about, what am I looking for?

what would actually fulfill me more? What would make me not feel frustrated on a daily basis or overwhelmed or what would not make me feel guilty? Like I’m doing this job out of. necessity or that out of some sort of guilt that I feel like I should be happy, but I’m actually not. And so really just allowing those emotions to be our teachers.

Lee Michael Murphy: That’s very insightful. I’d love that. so tell us a little bit about what your company does and how people can find out a little bit more about.

Kimberly Spencer: Yeah. So my company works with visionary leaders and founders [00:24:00] and CEOs and directors to really help them tap into that fulfillment, to eradicate the self-limiting stories that are holding them back in their own leadership and decision-making strategies.

And we work with them to help them build their empire and make the income and impact that they deserve.

Lee Michael Murphy: So Kimberly, where can people find out more about what you do

Kimberly Spencer: if you enjoyed this conversation? And if you’d like to discover your own subconscious success strategy for fulfillment, then definitely go to crown and just hit the button that says work with me and I’d be happy to have a conversation.

Lee Michael Murphy: Awesome. Well, thank you so much for joining us on our podcast today. We’ve loved having you. There’s a lot of this resonating

for you.

Sergio Patterson: Yeah. I think it’s really good timing to, especially for everybody in Silicon valley, it’s been two years of COVID or working from home or like all contemplating everything.

So I think this conversation is needed. So I appreciate it, Kimberly.

Kimberly Spencer: Absolutely. Thank you so much for letting me serve your audience.

Lee Michael Murphy: You’ve been listening to the free retiree show so long for now.

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